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    dots Submission Name: Recalleddots

    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 726
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 455

       I don't often write to form or give much thought to rhyming my lines. So I am stepping beyond my comfort zone on this one. Five-beat lines each ending in a hard e sound. Still, to me it does not feel like a rhyming poem. Let me know what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Please come home to me.
    I make a decree,
    cancel the treaty.

    All diplomacy
    to the misery
    concludes completely,
    and permanently.
    My intimacy
    makes an urgent plea:

    please come home to me
    and no longer be
    an emissary
    to territory
    of dark memory,
    in an embassy
    of dead ecstasy.

    Come! Come home to me.

    Submitted on 2006-02-18 14:59:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is an interesting write Chrystine
    I had to read it 3 times to let the style and flow of the write truefully sink in
    This definately is origanel
    And I really liked the theme of this one
    It really hit home
    Great write
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      So short, but yet...so sweet and hearfelt.

    I loved the way that you used words ending in the same way. It made for a wonderful read and excellent visionary pictures.

    This is a fave officially added to my list. Exceptional work!
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      nice, i like the whole rhyming thing, its sweet as hell and im surprised this was possible. i could never do something like this, so you got talent in rhyming. this had some emotion too and that was great. this was good.

    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
      You have my applause Chrystine. Any sort of exercise like this is hard, I do it constantly purely for the feeling of satisfaction that you achieved the form you set yourself to write.

    naturally, none of them are going to be poetic works of art, but your thing here tells its message well, I liked it, and I salute you for getting off your couch and running in the sun.

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, you sure did step out of your comfort zone! This was very good. I think you did a great job with the ryming and you made the point clear to all your readers that this person was asking for her love to return to her both physically and emotionally. A truly good write.

    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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