EchoOfTheFuture& CrowInTheMorn by FrankBlissett

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Submission Name: EchoOfTheFuture& CrowInTheMorn dots

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Author:	FrankBlissett
Elite Ratio:	5.17 - 206/191/66
Words:	257

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	244
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1856

Description:
Here are two poems - "Echo Of The Future" and "Crow In The Morning". The primary thing I am looking for is which of the two leaves the biggest impression on you (in a good way). Any further critique on either poem is welcome and encouraged.

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EchoOfTheFuture& CrowInTheMorn dots

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Echo Of The Future

You were on my mind the other morning.
An imaginary future formed.

You were lying on the bed,
Belly telling of tenderness months before.
I sat beside rubbing your stomach,
Felt your hand on my arm.

The thought came that our child would be part of a great story.
The idea of sharing our love with one untainted filled me with peace and wonder.

I then slid my hand around your back,
Contemplating the future.
Our child grew –
Loving and losing and loving again.
The love we shared passed to another generation,
Then another,
And another – till all humanity was filled with our compassion.

Soon reality snapped me out of the reverie.
Tenderness drained from my soul –
Leaving only an echo.
In that brief instant where lucidity entered,
All humanity evaporated in the greatest genocide ever.

Crow In The Morning

I saw a crow this morning,
Gliding between spruce trees --
The town waking below
Under grey dawn's jubilee.

We all have the image
Of mountain peaks,
Fixed in our minds,
And the sound of an eagle's shriek.

Have you ever seen such a sight?
I have seen eagles only high
On dying treetops looking for roadkill to steal --
Or as untouchable specks in the sky.

However I have seen a crow,
Body arced in a slight list
And feathers splayed,
Gliding silently in the mist.

Submitted on 2006-02-18 17:52:23 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I think the second poem, "Crow in the Morning" had the greater effect on me for two reasons. One, I think that the entire meaning of the first poem is a little lost to me. This is probably because I was never the best at 'interpreting' poetry. Two, I liked the thought of how you always look for that romanticised image of a great eagle, wings apsread gliding over mountain, river, and valley ...but yet, when what we find is not at all what we expected, it seems so much better. Like walking into a garden, looking for a specific flower but finding something different instead.

The thought of that, I think, is completely marvelous.

If this is completely off course, thats probably me, but it did have a good affect.

good work

-mystmaker
| Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by MystMaker | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the second, "Crow in the Morning" as well. "Echo of the Future" seemed jumpy and random. I couldn't find a beat or a pattern, and it made it harder for me to read than "Crow in the Morning".

"Have you ever seen such a sight?
I have seen eagles only high
On dying treetops looking for roadkill to steal -
Or as untouchable specks in the sky."

I absolutely LOVE that part! The irony that the symbol of pride and majesty still steals roadkill is GREAT! I'm a huge fan of irony, if you couldn't tell.

GREAT JOB!

~The Original Sock Rocker~
| Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by T.O.S.R. | [ Reply to This ]
  Personally, I prefer the first poem. It has sooo much more depth than the crow poem.

The poem is as long as the moment lasted. I think it is honestly portrayed. The human mind snaps like that.

It must have been a great reverie indeed to invoke a word such as genocide. Not only that, it's "the greatest genocide ever". I got stuck on it when I finished reading, and still can't justify its use.

"The love we shared passed to another generation,
Then another,
And another – till all humanity was filled with our compassion."

If you could make this section have the same scope, as though you had an Adam and Eve thing going on, you know, make it bigger, more momentous, perhaps the magnitude of "genocide" would be more balanced with the poem.

Still, nice stuff :)
Chatatcha later :)

| Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Shaqua1973 | [ Reply to This ]

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