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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Can You Seedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hidden_cry
    ASL Info:    16/female/canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.74 - 23/25/13
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 131
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 778



    Description:
       i want to know what poeple think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan You Seedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can you see the girl
    The girl with the sad eyes
    The girl who always crys

    Can you see the girl
    Who always hid
    Who never wanted to be seen

    Can you see the girl
    That girl who cuts her wrist
    That girl who holds all of the pain

    Can you see the girl
    Crying in her room
    With the cuts on her wrist

    No

    You see the girl
    The girl with the smile
    The girl with the pretty face

    You see the girl
    Who smiles
    Who laughs

    You see the girl
    That makes everyone happy
    That makes fun for everyone

    You dont see her
    You dont see the real girl
    You see the fake




    Submitted on 2006-02-18 20:19:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed this one. We all put up facades when the truth is too painfull to show others. some things are ours to deal with and no-one but ourselves can help us, but we want to be seen, to be known for who we really are. Perhaps this is one of those times, perhaps it isn't. If it is, serious introspection would seem to be the perscribed medicine, but if it's not, then, possibly a merging would be in order. Let some of your darker feelings out to the people around you... they may can help. Let your personality become more equal instead of using your time alone to realease all of your negative feelings. sorry to focus mainly on personal issues behind the peom, and not on the poem it'sself, as I did enjoy it immensely, but if my advice could help at all, then why not dispense it freely.
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      I only like what your trying to signal out from the poem. But I think you could add more passion into it. Come on your a poet- scream out your emotion. The imagery is up to you on here but I prefer to see more feeling because your only telling how its happening. The poem has potential- try again
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by silly monkey | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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