Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wasif
    ASL Info:    18/m/Delhi
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 47/42/16
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 718
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 863



    Description:
       this piece talks about the wrath of the person talked about{not actually me} who has lost his parents and blames their death onto God and just does not want to take help of God any longer, and wont pray Now, for today he is dead.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who are You, whom I see not?
    Yet You claim You are mine,
    While on my bed, I rot,
    I sense a power- so divine.
    Why do You help a hand?
    Who in reality Do I deny,
    In the silence of the falling sand-
    I'll find You, whenever I cry.
    Why should I believe You?
    When I know My mom is Dead,
    I dare say You were there too,
    And mockery it is-
    For its You who Led.
    My anger, You say is unjutified,
    But then, I did lose my other Alma mater,
    I ask Thee: Was my father's Death, a must?
    You just increased my pain-
    From former to the latter.
    Now as I speak to You, Dear God,
    You may hope for me to Pray,
    The Prayer will always be a longing-
    To You, my Lord;
    For I celebrate My Death, Today.




    Submitted on 2006-02-18 21:10:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Totally powerful.. The emotions were completely clear with every word. As a reader, I felt "pulled in" per se. Meaning I was forced to look at certain times in my life, when I have felt the same. It reminded me of a few things. Which to me, that makes a great peice. When you can "pull" the reader in and make it what it is, plus more, that's excellent... I'm not a very religious person, however when you have something happen in your life, most of us, believers or not, think, Why God? Perhaps we need someone to blame as then it makes it easier to understand. Anyway. I'll stop rambling on. I may have took this for more then what you intended, but that in itself also shows a good write. Good job!
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by nicklacymatthew | [ Reply to This ]
      This whole writing thing is really complicated for me...the poem u read on my page...iwrote it today,it;s the first that i wrote,i did it for my girlfirend and i wanted to post it. Plus I am romanian...i don't speak very good english,but i try :) ...by the way i like u're poems
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by LilDude | [ Reply to This ]
      heart-felt i can totally to this work. good word usage and rhyming patterns envoked. i am no expert of things but i sympathize with the author, and hope that maybe through his love of fallen kin that he strues up thestrenght to carry on, wouldn't want to make anyone roll over in their coffins.
    good [censored].. dussin
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by dussin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very powerful, I really liked it.

    It';s a natural thing to blame god for our losses (one reason why we invented him) and you inject a helpless feeling in this nice piece that has the reader on your side throughout.

    Very well done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt each line of this poem was personal words of my own. I love this very much. Your flow was great. You used perfect word chose. Your imagery was very good. And the pain in this was very realistic. The questions were realistic. Wow! I think you did a outstanding job. You should read Father Of Mine, by me. It mirrors this alot. This is going in my fav list.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      damn, that must hurt. THe poetry tells all.i would tell your friend that he/she/ isn't the only one that has that kind of life stoey. I'm not saying "someone else" has it as bad as him, i'm saying i do. Autowreck... 1997. I was in the same car. Lost my memories.. my first memory is the doctors dragging me out of a burning car. i would tell him i know his pain and that there is no one to blame... it's all left to chance... GOd just sits around and does nothing... how could he blame him... but it's to late. Sorry to hear that happened...>,,,
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    91950

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry