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    dots Submission Name: pony boydots

    Author: brokenbatman
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 475/233/44
    Words: 334
    Class/Type: Misc/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1654

       boy looking to be a man. just working some things out.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspony boydots

    “I am not going to kill him. I just want to talk” said this enormous man resting a rifle on his leg.
    The horse he was riding seemed to be enjoying the pause the rider had decided to take at my door. Short legged quarter horse if I am not mistaken. Not good for much except short burst of speed and long steady hauls but what do I know I am just a stable boy working for his uncle.
    An uncle that was pretty shady and secretive. You know the type, never tells you more then he thinks you need to know. Now that I think about it I bet this guy is a marshal or sheriff or something. Only one problem with that, I don’t see no badge and this guy don’t look any straighter than the old Snake River over in buffalo city.
    “Hey boy I said I ain’t gonna kill him. Just got my rifle out cause my holder done busted. I know how it looks, would you feel better if I jumped done and rested the rifle against the wall there until he comes back? Well how about it? This old hag I am riding is needin a rest anyways. If you wouldn’t mind putting her up a bit I sure could use a spell out of this saddle. I could wait till Jims comes back and you will see I ain’t meanin no harm.”
    “Well I guess but make sure you put that rifle over there clear out of reach.” I said like I owned the place trying to hide the fact that this guy just plain scared me to look at him. Little old boy living and working with his Uncle Jim. Barely had enough clothes to keep me dry much less hide the scrawny arms I got hangin from my shoulders. Got me a good pair of boots though. That’s one thing Uncle Jim insisted on that I always take care of my feet.

    Submitted on 2006-02-19 00:40:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A couple of quick fixes for you.
    After saying: Now that I think about it I bet this guy is a sheriff or something. : Put a comma after: Now that I tink about it, I bet this guy is a sheriff or something.

    And change Jumped done to jumped down. You silly rabbit, you've a good story here, no since in messing it up with grammer mistakes.

    Also change : I could wait till Jims comes back.: to I could wait till Jim comes back.:

    Other than that, I like it. Very informative of the two characters but not overly so that it takes away from the story. A little at a time lets the reader get to know them on a more personal level. Nice job Brokenbatman.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Man in Black | [ Reply to This ]

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