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    dots Submission Name: Lonelinessdots

    Author: Noborupam
    ASL Info:    26/M/Chennai
    Elite Ratio:    0.01 - 0/2/1
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 495

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    Moon light craves into the dark shadow....

    Giving it a different meaning...

    Loneliness is another friend of the dark shadow..

    But when the moon shines on loneliness

    It shows its true face..

    A monestrosity of cold wind..

    Too sharp to slit ur skin apart..

    Where will u hide my friend..

    they have come all ready..

    And they have come for a massacre

    Submitted on 2006-02-19 00:43:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      thats a good image piece it gives pictures running through my mind, decriptive in a wierd sort of way amazing work, keep this sort of thing up
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      I would advise you not to keep this form of writing up. I think you were on to something with your imagery on how bad loneliness is, but you fail to use a question mark with "where will you hide my friend" and that was the dramatic part that sealed the whole poem. I think using letters in place of words also hindered your poem from standing out and wowing the reader as you had planned. All the pauses were not needed. This has the makings of a very good poem if you edit this. Right now it is good, but it falls short of it's potential to be so much better. I'm merely trying to help out. You don't have to listen to me.

    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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