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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Devotiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ms. DejFruit
    ASL Info:    20/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 44/53/42
    Words: 414
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 229
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 972



    Description:
       It started out being about life and its opportunity but then it symbolically came to represent love and relationships. Something to think about.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDevotiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's sometimes the chance that comes
    Like forrowed brow that neither leaves nor
    Wishes to complete.
    It strikes upon you for the longest, questions
    You, yet its not the ego that takes it in control,
    It's like a cat, all darkness in the night, walks by
    And tantalizes you, professes interest to catch you
    And aims right there, deep underneath.
    You are that story it uncovers, like crackling wrapper
    it unwraps. Believe me when I say it'll hunt you, to the
    day of daisies and of may. It shimmers there and here, so
    What to hide? It'll find you. It will ravish you.




    Submitted on 2006-02-19 01:44:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      How very intriguing.

    I especially love the way you describe everything, but avoid doing so in the ordinary 'teen poet' sort of way. -It's not as easy as people thing, really.

    I noticed you break off where you felt it to be appropriate, whether the thought has been finished in that line, or to be carried on in the next. Either way, I find that little detail to be most refreshing.

    Passion [lust] and longing are a fickle thing, and though they are popular topics with today's youth, they are very hard to approach and conquer while still successfully maintaining your 'unique' writing style. However -in my opinion- you seemed to have pulled it off quite nicely.

    I don't have any tips or ideas for you, in terms of making this better, or in making any corrections; I truly enjoy every aspect of this piece as it is.

    Kudos

    Raven The Wary
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Raven the Wary | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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