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    dots Submission Name: Perfect Minddots

    Author: Daokao
    Elite Ratio:    6.4 - 67/37/10
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1028
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPerfect Minddots

    Entering through the passageway to life,
    ab ovo without impure baggage.
    A wizened sponge ready to absorb,
    a trencherman for knowledge.

    How is it that in a short time,
    this miracle creation of reason.
    Pliable as clay in a hand,
    a creation of principles and freedom.

    Commissioned elders are we,
    to feed this sponge of comprehension.
    Sole provider of hope, faith and love,
    leaving us with feelings of apprehension.

    For if this seedling mind should falter,
    left unattended to die on the vine.
    We will forever be called to the altar,
    as the destroyer of a Perfect Mind.

    Submitted on 2006-02-19 12:00:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Gets me thinking on one of my catch phrases for delinquent parents: "raising tomorrow's serial killers today". Not that that has anything to do with anything.

    Yeah, there is so much responsibilty in raising children. Indeed, how they turn out has everything to do with how we teach them to be resilient, ambitious, and ultimately self-reliant. Has a lot to do with building up their spirits...not breaking them. So often we see it go sour...some kids are just bad apples. Anyway, the rhyme is not so forced as to seem annoying.

    Nice read, perfectly useless critique.

    ...but anyway
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a nice look at how we shape people with ideas,

    Society is good at that.

    I really like the images and metaphors. The rhyme is nice, gives it a good feel.

    Oh, did you mean altar?

    Nice work.

    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this
    In this write I feel you are showing others how important it is to reach out to your fellow man or woman
    The knowledge you share can save a life

    And welcome to Elite Skills

    Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really nice, it's very well written. I reallyliked the first stanza, especially the part about being a sponge for knowledge and wisdom.

    Welcome to Elite Skills!

    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Aren't you getting all philosophical on us! You really used a lot of great language in this one! I am over here literally about to stand and give you an ovation! You have no idea how poets with your mind frame are needed on this site. You are keepin it real and that's good ish!

    Much love!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]

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