The Pain of Tears by Drain_my

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Submission Name: The Pain of Tears dots

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Author:	Drain_my_Blood
ASL Info:	16 Female Canada
Elite Ratio:	4.29 - 69/90/25
Words:	159

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	268
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1020

Description:
I was Just standing in the Mirror...Had some help by a friend on this one...it turned out better than I expected...any feedback will do.

The Pain of Tears dots

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I can see her crying,
standing there all by herself.
feeling so ugly, stranded and alone,
and hating the many tears she's cried,
she says she’s been like this all her life,
but still she can't remember a time
when she felt needed.
I can almost touch her
as I stand here watching her, reaching for her
but there's nothing I can do.
I'd show her love,
but she's so far away.
yet she's standing right in front of me.
I can hear her screaming
as she's down on bended knee.
I cover my ears to block it out.
but I can still hear it,
the awful sound of pain coming out.
She says she can't stand
the pain rejection has put her through.
and just how often she's felt it.....

As I step away from the mirror,
looking at myself I think:
"Take my heart rip it out,
For it will only drown in tears..."

Submitted on 2006-02-19 12:19:11 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  I can totally relate to your poem, I think even some of my poems' themes are similar. I could especially relate to the following parts:

she says she’s been like this all her life,
but still she can't remember a time
when she felt needed.

Sometimes I remember the past, and think about how different things were. And how I never thought I could end up this way.

As I step away from the mirror,
looking at myself I think:
"Take my heart rip it out,
For it will only drown in tears..."

I just loved it.

XoXo
Gaby
| Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Lost_Delirious | [ Reply to This ]
  That's so sad
It's perfect though.
I love every word.

My most favorite part is:

"I can almost touch her
as I stand here watching her, reaching for her
but there's nothing I can do.
I'd show her love,
but she's so far away.
yet she's standing right in front of me.
I can hear her screaming
as she's down on bended knee.
I cover my ears to block it out.
but I can still hear it,
the awful sound of pain coming out."

I would have cried if I wasn't so medicated.
I can tell that you put a lot of emotion into this.
It's gorgeous.
You're very talented.

Beautifully done

-nikkki
| Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm...i got too impressions from this. One, you are looking at yourself and that is your *friend*. two, you're actually looking at your friend in the mirror. Whichever way it was writte, I can relate to.

I had a friend like that once...It was like...I tried so hard to help her, to be there for her. When I actually thought that I was getting through to her, something would snap...anyways, eventually, she stabbed me in the back...but thats a topic for a later day. Great Piece!

->Dark Angel
| Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an important write for your own Health
I am glad you were able to express your deep rooted feelings in words
This is not as easy as it Looks
Stay Positive
Its the Key
God Bless
Ron
Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  it's good to see that you are getting it all out. Emotions cannot be bottled up too much. Sure we explode, and if used correctly, can create wonderful poetry, but you cant keep it bottled forever. THe pressure has to go somewhere. If you just keep breathing your worries into the baloon, it's pop sometime. But you got it out. THat's good. I can see that your friend really had it hard... i don't know what to say, aside from "Even if you don't see it, the sun is there".
| Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]
  this is most definitely a piece that expresses your feelings, by placing it on someone else. I like it. As I was reading this, it was almost like hearing someone talking about me.

I can see her crying,
standing there all all by herself.
feeling so ugly, stranded and alone,
and hating the amount of tears she's cried,
she says she’s been like this all her life,
but still she can't remember a time
when she felt needed.

this is a great piece. You have alot of promise.
Keep up the good work.

~Torie
| Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by lebeauvide | [ Reply to This ]
  great job on this poem. i could definitely relate to what you were writing about and i thought the expression was excellent. the last stanza was my favorite because it showed a sense of detachment on your part and i thought it was a great way to end the poem. the only thing i can critique is that maybe the wording in the beginning when you said

"I can see her crying...and hating the amount of tears she's cried,"

maybe you could say and hating the many tears or something but thats being really picky and overall this was a great poem. keep it up.

~sabrina.
| Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by icaughtfire591 | [ Reply to This ]
  I understand this more than you know.

Please don't ever think you are not loved. I thought that for a long time, and as a consequence I lost the man I loved more than life itself. I continued thinking I was fat, ugly, not one person wanted me...and I believe he couldn't stand me saying that anymore. Please, please, PLEASE don't ever let it get to you. If it does, PM me by all means. I'm always here for anyone who needs help or a shoulder to cry on.

All in all, compliment yourself and your friend for a very emotional, exquisite write.

Hugs.
Kichi
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]

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