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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Final Goodbye(edited)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: iluvpoetry_1
    Elite Ratio:    2.87 - 806/439/119
    Words: 297
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1198
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1733



    Description:
       hey! i was just working on my old poems trynna make it better! i hope u like it! tell me wat u do like and wat u dont like!
    ~akaila~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFinal Goodbye(edited)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shouting,crying, this is not the happy ending I expected.

    This pain,stinging,burning sensation is depositing itself straight into the middle of my heart.Piercing it and letting the blood flow out.

    I'm in a desperate need to mend my soul.
    I'm falling apart.Slowly, painfully dying.
    Deep beneath lies a broken soul.
    Afraid to move foward to that light.
    That seems to be getting dimmer and dimmer each day.

    Feel if I get to close the dim light would vanish and leave me in complete and utter darkness. In a world that has completly surrounded me and trapt me inside a cave.

    My heart drenched in pain.My pillow is drenched in today's tears but what remains is the scent of yesturday's fears.

    For the last time I have been deceived.
    Now I don't want to try and somehow again fool myself and beleive that life is better on the other side. Now I know the truth that lies behind these brick walls.

    It has finally come out and spoken to me and said that once again I ama failure.

    Once again I have proven myself weak.
    The world is stronger than me. The vision is now clear through my stinging tears that once again I have proven myself weak.
    This world you see, it feeds on my weakness.
    Feed on my continuous pain.
    My body.
    My heart.
    My soul.
    Is to weak to surive this everlasting struggle. So tonight. Is the last night I will ever have to struggle up this neverending hill.
    Tonight is my final cry.
    Tonight is my last struggle. This is my will be my last final goodbye.

    ~akaila~




    Submitted on 2006-02-19 19:13:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      wow guyz i think this is the best ive ever written and the longest poem ive ever written! dang its long!iight im done!
    ~akaila~
    | Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      AWE! why doesn't poem have 2 flow? (Commenting on silent_death) again poetry is the poets expression they don't have to make anything flow just read it slow and you'll understand! Anyways you put ALOT of emotion on this super-dooper long poem (lol j-k) It made me what you felt! Even though I could never come close! I like this poem it is full of emotion and expressions! Great one...
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one. You took a clichéd subject, but tossed it around, stabbed it a few times, and made it better. Bravo!

    Oh, and thank you for the comment on my poem
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by killed in motion | [ Reply to This ]
      this may very well be the best thing from u that i have ever read since i've been on this site. this pretty much sums up the hopeless aspect of life for ur everyday person. this is gonna be a fave add babe. u had so many good lines in this one. and now i'm gonna list a few:

    My heart drenched in pain.My pillow is drenched in today's tears but what remains is the scent of yesturday's fears.

    It has finally come out and spoken to me and said that once again I ama failure.

    Once again I have proven myself weak.
    The world is stronger than me. The vision is now clear through my stinging tears that once again I have proven myself weak.
    This world you see, it feeds on my weakness.
    Feed on my continuous pain.

    these are the ones that really stood out to me. good job. bout time u actually started posting
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      ok well I already told ya I thought it was pretty good...but the thing that bugs me the most is there's little flow, it doesn't feel as natural as it could. that and the way you have the format is like fragmented and seems kinda choppy. although on the opposite note you make up for it with your kick ass imagry and scensory details so overall I really liked this one and now I gotta go so peaceness.
    jess
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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    92053

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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