Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: T.O.S.R.
    ASL Info:    16/F/Utah
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 53/53/15
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 159
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 790



    Description:
       This is a poem I wrote in September of 2005... I don't really feel this way anymore(except a few things), but I decided to post it so I could get some feedback and maybe turn it into a better poem. Enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShedots
    -------------------------------------------


    She's lost in a world that's all her own,
    Plagued by fake smiles and pain.
    It's a place she knows just all too well,
    Where the colors are slightly less vivid.

    There's no dreams in her nights,
    few hopes in her life.
    She's a girl so far lost,
    that she's too afraid to love.

    But she needs to hear she's beatiful.
    She needs someone who'll refuse to let her go alone.
    She needs arems that she feels loved in;
    a presence she feels safe in.

    She needs unspoken promises,
    this girl who I call 'she'.
    And she needs you all to know,
    this girl is really me.



    ~The Original Sock Rocker~




    Submitted on 2006-02-19 22:21:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      kind of asking for help i guess this is a good one i really like it ...
    well keep writing and i will check out more from your work
    thanks for sharing and if you have time please take a lookk to my writings ..
    peace and love
    take care
    Victor
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      wow what a twist,

    at first i thought you were talking of someone you know and through out the piece i kept thinking this reminds me of me I know that I used to feel a similar way and like you I still feel along these lines sometimes.

    I think i shall add this to my fav
    andrea
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. It speaks honestly about how you feel and what you want and need. I think in many ways, we are all afraid of love for many reasons. I dont think we fully understand the depth of this feeling, we just know it is powerful and potentially devestating. It is a risk to let someone so close to you. So, it is a natural defense to be afraid of it. Nobody wants to get hurt yet it happens all the time. One typo to mention here in the third stanza I think you mean "arms". Otherwise, not very complex words here but still very effective and you do a good job with self awareness in this poem. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      That is actually kind of scary... it reminds me of someone... and the resemblance is very scary.

    You asked for writing advice... You dont need any. That poem was awesome. Just one typo ("shame on you") heh heh.

    There isn't much more i can say, you are a very good writer, i was drawn into that from the first line. And the title... Short and for some reason made me want to read it. How about giving me some advice instead?

    Apyreal
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Apyreal | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.