Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Equationsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jason The Basta
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 191/281/68
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 410



    Description:
       Math makes my head hurt.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEquationsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A life’s work rendered in coarse white chalk;
    A monumental undertaking
    Of intricate construction, wrought on

    A wide plane of slate hung from a wall.
    Endless labyrinths navigated–
    Thought surging through the darkened future

    For the surface and promised daylight.
    The numbers boggle me, leave me dry;
    My math-happy friend swims their ocean.




    Submitted on 2006-02-20 01:21:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Unfortunately, I'm not one of those 'Math' geniuses that have already graced your pages, but I still had to come and comment on another wonderful piece of work. Even I who think numbers or equations and such are boring found this piece to be rather stimulating and interesting. It's too bad math couldn't be in poetic form, then I'm sure I could find a way to like it.

    Sorrel
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok... two spelling errors- "coarse white chalk" & "a wide plane"... but with those typos aside, I really have no "beef" (ok why did I choose that word?) with your poem. Excellent. I can certainly connect with it... but on a deeper note, it touches another, broader feeling. the fact that your friend finds an ocean's depth in something you describe as a plane of slate (cold and flat and unremarkable) boasts a bit of jealousy? like... like the poem touches on personal shortcomings, and even though everyone knows it's a million times better to be a poet than a mathematician, there's still that glass-ceiling dissatisfaction. Good job. A personal victory for me: no Statistics class tomorrow. :D
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one of the poems that leaves me confused for ages. It seems to want to give another meaning that i can't really see.

    The only thing that i didn't really like was the word "math-happy". The whole poem is feels like a build up of something, then the last line says "math-happy". It seems to drop the intellectual level of the poem too far. It almost seems to "childish" a word to fit into the poem.

    I was wondering if the whole poem was actually just trying to depict an equation, or a person trying to solve an equation. The labyrinths make me think of a person struggling to find the answer. I dunno if i am right, but thats what i see.

    I did like the length of your poem, it is nice and short and straight to the point.

    Apyreal
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Apyreal | [ Reply to This ]
      Perhaps math is the language of authority that you despise for its inherent hypocrisy heaped upon the middle classes victimized by it in terms of taxation/elections/military service (a man's moral value equated to his wealth, a nation's patriotism determined by the number of dead in wartime, a people's vision measured against a mathematically determined norm, etc.). I'm certain this wasn't in your frontal lobe when you wrote this (most likely it was an irritation with math as opposed to a love of language), but the implications run deep (and you're by no means shallow or random despite how aimless you'd like to appear). Nicely done shorter work on your aprt. Yake care, Jason. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      "corse" should be "coarse", "plain" should be "plane" but as that has already been pointed out, I doubt you care.

    As far as diction is concerned, I take a bit of issue with "numbers" and "math-happy". "Numbers" I would change, at the very least, to "symbols," as most math is not numbers at all.

    I'll refrain from going into a long diatribe about the popular perception of math here, especially as I am one who uses math as a tool on a daily basis and I know that the distinction between those who "get" math and those who don't (or those who are "literary" and those who are "mathy") is purely a superficial cop-out by those too scared by one side or the other, but I will say that the last stanza here left me disappointed. I was hoping for .... something more along the lines of what I would have written .... can you imagine what it is like to spend an entire lifetime working on a single problem, the answer/solution/proof of which can be summarized on a single blackboard? As this is the kind of state alluded to in the beginning of the poem, I was hoping that this is what was going to be commented on in the final stanza. But that's just me.
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by bitterlily | [ Reply to This ]
      You have hit a chord with some on this piece.

    As one who has love of math, (In any form) I found the theme interesting. I have always been fascinated by mathematicians. I have a wen.ch of a time with something as simple as the pythagorean therum and it floors me to see someone tackle huge equations, working the numbers, sometimes for years, simply to come to an answer that then has to be checked, and re-checked by other great minds.

    I think I'll stick to the simpler equations of writing poetry for others to consume in one simple sitting.

    I liked this,
    Glad you're still here...

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    92099

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Love written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry