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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blood Breasted Dove (Part 4)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Speacenik
    ASL Info:    23/f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    7.09 - 413/359/96
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 203
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1532



    Description:
       This is the final part to Blood Breasted Dove

    SPECAIL THANKS TO DEEPDREAMER2008 FOR HER ADVICE ON PUNCTUATION AND KOSTER ON HIS SUGGESTIONS.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlood Breasted Dove (Part 4)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    July 2005, you surrendered.
    You had been carried
    on the shoulders of the people
    for decades,
    so when did you notice
    our lakes were freezing?
    When our wounds opened like bouquets
    leaking life
    persuasively
    as our Tricolor hemmorrhaged pride
    and roses rotted on our graves.

    Your defeated words
    shook us in the same way bombs
    shock suburban communities
    but still it came to this,
    that we post-surrender patriots
    should walk the caverns of the interlude
    with downcast faces;

    that our war-torn thoughts
    should glimpse failures bones hidden
    in our mind’s soiled green recesses,

    undeniable that our rich history
    now should stink like an abattoir
    Time maddening in its slow passage,
    unappeased.

    Yet, the asylum seekers still come
    to our shores –
    phantoms of our migratory past –
    and the doves nest and coo
    in our trusted oak.

    The Armenian shopkeeper
    handles with care the potatoes
    as if he too feels their value
    transmuted one hundred and sixty years.
    The Pakistani butcher is more sparing
    with the meat.

    We find in this a wiser worth:
    that any land as beautiful as ours
    is to be shared.
    Our sparkling emerald dreams must fade now
    into the whiteness of peace
    into the blankness of the page




    Submitted on 2006-02-20 06:04:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      leaking llife as lucidly
    as our Tricolor hemmorrhaged pride.

    thought something like this:

    that our war-torn thoughts
    failures glimpsed like bones hidden
    in our mind’s soiled green recesses,
    undeniable that our rich history
    now should stink like an abattoir
    Time maddening in its slow passage
    unappeased moves ever forward
    yet backwards looking
    still looking for some great truth
    but meets the future empty handed

    I found this cycle of 4 poems to be resonate with a bitter Pride, a sense of abandoned integrity that spoke to the inner morality that motivaters my own and hopefully societie's actions.
    the unravelled passions that led to sectarian violence, aims changed and by that power and conviction bled away...leaving hands that once held liberty's torch now bloodied and impotent.

    You were able to critque my poem, Chulled using terms like persona and have more education in poem craft, that i will ever have...but something like this has a life, an emotional electricity that underlies the words...
    I am marking this one as a fav, but the entire cycle is has a Timeless worth..I bow.
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh dear.. Being the final piece, it was obvious that it would strike me the most. The bitter-sweet ending is quite unexpected. Although this is major history, you've made me feel as if the story was one only you had the right to tell. The last entry definitely lives up to the standard of the ones before it, but I suggest you revise the description inpart one, because there you said it would be five posts. I also think that you should write the title in this format (not capitol letters) with the earlier pieces as well. You've done a wonderful job with this Selina.

    Be Proud,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      "July 2005, you surrendered." is fantastically horribly blunt and a powerful start to this part. it makes all the came before it all the more powerful as it's such a full stop ending, not a dramatic explanation mark of victory. haha what an awful metaphor. what i mean is that it gives the earlier parts, especially three, a feeling of waste, all the lifes lost and yet Ireland is still divided.

    again the voice has changed with the times and it really does feel like drawing to a close. the repeated question in stanza one has lost the bitterness it earlier had and is now just mournful.

    and the ending of the ending is very good, the mixture of sadness for the lost cause but hope for the future give it a poignancy. it's as if the hope of the original patriots has been born again, just in a different form.

    the final nitpicks.

    you missed an apostrophe:
    "should glimpse failure's bones hidden"

    and maybe a slight change in the line-break here:
    "Our sparkling emerald dreams
    must fade now"

    so thanks for sharing Blood Breasted Dove, it was a wonderful journey and deserves all the praise it gets.

    Adam.
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      I've just reread all four parts and it's even stronger as a complete piece than it was in tasty morsels. You've written an epic here and it's a good one.

    I'm sure the first stanza here is partly a repeat on purpose, but I'm a little unclear why you repeated. It doesn't hurt the total at all and the tone is subtly different here. Still I wonder if you might want to modify this stanza a tiny bit. Save the similarity of the two parts, but bring out the mournfulness and waste a bit more here.

    One troublesome apostrophe: "failure's"

    This is really a great work of art and the trip has been a great journey. You're an excellent historical writer, which makes you quite rare.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      You close on a note of hope drawn, not from a love of peace, but a weariness of war coupled with a resignation of dreams stolen from the bright faces of youth. You mention the wartorn of other cultures finding an appreciation for the fruits of Irish soil, yet the sentiment is laced with the sorrow of unmet possibilities among native sons and daughters who love their land with the ache of orphans. There is a sad beauty to the Irish landscape (especially in terms of the psychology of a nation whose contributions to the world are narrowly viewed by many as tortured tribalism); powerfully uplifting, but solitary. The close of this write has a quiet resonance befitting the ray of light you portray at the end of a long struggle. A masterpiece. Very nicely done. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      There is such regret and mourning in the idea of these post-surrender patriots walking the 'caverns of the interlude with downcast faces and that after all that suffering they should 'glimpse failures bones' hidden in their memories. One thinks of all those young men who died for an ideal like Sands and there is such tragedy in this and I agree with Steve that you should modify the first stanza a little by focusing on that waste.

    The end is just sensational the idea that there is a wiser worth in learning that the beautiful land is to be shared. And their green emerald dreams for Ireland will fade into the whiteness of peace and the blankness of the page suggestive of history. I love this poem. It is a fav.

    lol
    nessie

    .
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      What an image you have painted here. I sit here and read this and I have an image of a white canvas being painted with colors of the past but then it is washed free of the past and left with the image of a green hillside. Rocks peaking from beneath the turf.
    The past is never forgotten but it is put to rest.
    You have eluded to the great potato famine and that speaks of hard times and a depressioned era.
    The words of those who migrated to the green shores still linger on the tongues of the old as if to leave an imprint of days long gone and the death of those who strove to make sure all was remembered.
    The ending was painted perfect and leaves an image of peace. The balckness of the page carries a duel meaning to me. One meaning that we must let the end of the struggle come at last and the other is that the blackness swallows the memories and keeps them just inside the page and all we have to do is turn the page.

    Well I have rambled enough again

    Very nicely done

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]



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