Prickly revelations
puncture your 5 cent alibi.
I'm witness to
the truth protruding
from your vile lips
that sting my stellar
hypothesis of hope.
You sharpened the half-tone
glare clouding your eyes
with your sinister kisses,
imitating simple motives
-obvious ephiphany
sought me too late.
the "revelations" of the "5 cent alibi" It fits perfectly. a 5 cent alibi isn't worth revealing.
and "truth protruding" from the "vile lips" Once again another clever contrast. Since when can vile lips produce truth. :) in itself that is a paradox.
i could go on, but you have read your poem, you know where they are.
I struggled a little with the rhythm. After the "alibi" the sentence seemed a bit long and drawn out, i didnt know where to take a breath.
Other than that it was good. And i love the word ephiphany :) It always makes me look for a deeper meaning.
Submission Name: Stranger
