Elf Song & EulersLastPostulate by FrankBlissett

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Submission Name: Elf Song & EulersLastPostulate dots

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Author:	FrankBlissett
Elite Ratio:	5.17 - 206/191/66
Words:	188

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	227
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1349

Description:
Here are two poems - "Elf Song" and "Euler's Last Postulate". The primary thing I am looking for is which of the two leaves the biggest impression on you (in a good way). Any further critique on either poem is welcome and encouraged.

Elf Song & EulersLastPostulate dots

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Elf Song

The shadow of beauty that chases the night
And walks through dreams into my soul --
Leaves at dawn with the coming light,
With the clang of the Matin bell's toll.

The shadow of life that chases the sun,
Is all that remains of this heart's blood.
I walk crowded walks all alone
And wait anew for darkness to flood.

Euler's Last Postulate

What comes after?
Those who know The Book hold fast to a golden city,
Mist enshrouded and glimmering on the horizon.
How can they know for sure?

What comes after?
I've heard that in some exotic lands we live again,
Guided to correct our evils till we become the one.
How can they know for sure?

What comes after?
Some hold that there is nothing when we fade,
Except maybe our memory and the echo or our words.
How can they know for sure?

For all the logic I can muster,
This I know
(And this I know absolutely now):
"And now I die."

Submitted on 2006-02-20 10:59:42 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I like the feel of Elf song much better here. It reminds me of Changeling. I think it has some small rhythmic problems though. Little ones. I was wondering if you might consider changeing the begining words of line 3 in each stanza to the 'ing' form of the verbs.
'Leaves' would be coming 'Leaving'
and
'I walk crowded walks all alone
And wait anew for darkness to flood."
would become
"Walking the crowded walks all alone
Waiting anew for darkness to flood."

I think you'll find the falling rhythm works really well in the context of those lines, And the removal of the 'I' might actually strengthen the way a person reacts to this. It becomes a moment savored and enjoyed by anone such a definite 'I' encroaching... a more sprightly... elf like being... more fae...
| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
  Elf Song and Euler's Last Postulate both have similar themes with different slants or more so takes I guess at the same thing.

the First deals with love in the context of one's vanity (in existing) where it isn't he who initiates the 'darkness to flood' but rather he is at the mercy of fate or another's whim.

A small parallel. You before and after and you cleverly didn't include the actual thing which the whole poem is centered around. (Supposedly)

The first stanza is you with that hope and words like "bell", "clang", "leaves" serve justly to foreshadow what happens in stanza 2 and/or the aftermath and where you reach a final revelation.

What is that revelation? Vanity (helplessness) I think.
| Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Dr.Strangelove | [ Reply to This ]
  There's this great joke in math that if you ever don't feel like proving something, you can just say, "I think Euler proved something like that." Of course, in a journal article, this would be something like, "As Euler proved, blahblahblah." The real joke is that for an inconceivably large number of things, Euler actually did prove something related...

Maybe I should actually read these if I'm going to comment on something more than one of the titles...

"alone" and "sun" don't exactly rhyme. At all. Other than that, this is a very pretty piece, although the only line that really means anything to me is the next to last one. I'm totally lost on the meaning behind the first stanza.

As for Euler, the only stanza that really makes sense to me is the last one. Have you ever written a villanelle? I think this piece is just begging to be rewritten as a villanelle.

Hmm, so I guess there's no clear winner tonight.

--Jasmine

P.S. You should probably read my disclaimer in my journal ;-)
| Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by bitterlily | [ Reply to This ]

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