Lying beside him my heart beats so fast within my chest,
I face the wall with little chance of getting any rest.
Never before have my senses burned so strong,
So how can something that feels so right be so very wrong?
It scares me to know I have lost complete control,
For I have given him my heart and my very soul.
I feel his every breath as he lies by my side,
The love I feel for him just canít be denied.
I turn to watch him while he is asleep,
Taking in every detail, knowing this is a memory Iíll forever keep.
I have given him such a tremendous power and yet he has no clue,
But there is no way I can make him understand all he puts me though.
I have no one to blame but myself, this I knew from the very start,
But what can I do when I have lost all control of my heart?
When Iím with him Iím on such a high I fell I may never come down,
Even though I know heíll leave and reality will slam me to the bitter ground.
I canít deny being with him is where Iíve always wanted to be,
For when Iím with him I have no worries; with him Iím completely me.
As I gaze down upon his sleeping face I feel my heart shatter,
For I know that what I feel deep inside doesnít even matter.
I know that soon heíll pack his things and walk right out of my life,
Back to his own world- back to his son and back to his wife.
I pray he doesnít wake and see the battle raging in my eyes,
For heíll want me to explain right now what I couldnít begin to disguise.
Falling in love with him was both the best and the worst thing I have ever done,
And this is something I would not wish on anyone.
For all the things that make me so happy with him- the things that make me shine so bright,
Are the same things that fill my heart with sorrow and fill my soul with such fright.
It is so hard to handle a love so deep and so unattainable as the love I feel,
Knowing it is only what I make it, knowing that what I see can never be real.
So I continue to torture myself and count the days till he is near,
For I can not deny myself the pure happiness just because itís the pain that I fear.
You see he always makes me feel what others can only pray they someday get,
And that, to me, is totally precious and something that I can never regretÖ