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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ArtichokeMosher
    ASL Info:    15/F/PA
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 146/201/81
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 150
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1331



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today I woke up to a horrid nightmare.
    I was dying in his arms as he began to stare.
    The worst part was I didn't know why.
    I couldn't figure out how I would die.

    He was holding on with such a grasp.
    The time on the clock did nothing but elapse.
    As I lay there stiff and weak,
    If only I had enough strength to speak.

    I would tell him I'm sorry this is how it ends...
    Me laying in his arms saying goodbye to my good friends.
    I look into his eyes and tightly grasp his shirt,
    A look that clearly spoke "Sorry I treated you and everyone else like dirt."

    On her bed was a note to her mom:
    "Sorry this was done...sorry everything I did was wrong."
    On the computer screen a note to her dad:
    "I'm sorry I wasn't the kid you wanted...I'm sorry I was so bad."

    Him,her light of the dark.
    The meaning of her death so black and stark.
    The way she faded...
    Death in his arms is what she awaited.

    This horrid nightmare will become reality some day.
    I will wake up and just throw life away.
    Minus being held up by the man...
    Who was there through thick and thin holding my hand.




    Submitted on 2006-02-20 21:37:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey this was really good , and I like how you leave some of the why's to the imagination, I think it was deep , I like to read stuff like that, and the rymeing was good .
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by pasardspandora | [ Reply to This ]
      nice rhyme scheme. nice tone. dont really like the plot. kinda boring. me personally, i'd rather hear something that comes from your soul. you know, something you actually feel. but over all an ok poem.
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by psycotic cowboy | [ Reply to This ]
      'On her bed was a note to her mom:'

    one question is the poem about sumone else or about you- cuz i think you got your persons mixed up here maybe- or maybe i just didnt flow it right.

    Other than that- i think it was quite deep. The emoticion was strong but didnt quite hold me there where i think your audience was supposed to be in a certain position but u didnt quite achieve the goal of doing so- maybe just re-read wat u wrote and think about what and where it loses peoples attention.

    Fix it and it cld have the potentionl

    Peace Out

    me :) xx
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by MysterydarkPoet | [ Reply to This ]



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