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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Figurinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 602
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 866



    Description:
       This was for you, Raivn...I read your journal.

    THis is my reply.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFigurinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    He shrunk me down to size
    and took me home were he had prepared
    amusments in every color
    and a dollhouse that was just my size

    and I was there so I could talk to him
    and admire him
    and provide him with every feeling that it took for him to feel
    whole
    but he deosn't realize that I'm more than just a little fairy tale
    I am real
    and he is making a big mistake
    and subconciously he has chosen me

    and I watched them from my window, and decided, that actually they didn't look all that happy
    and that this shouldn't hurt
    because it is in the self that we find happiness because when we love ourselves
    we don't care if he doesn't

    because when I think about it,
    who wouldn't prefer me? to her




    Submitted on 2006-02-21 12:04:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, you did it where I couldn't. It's beautiful, and I think it's perfect. Where do you go with a statement like this? I think he is missing something. I think he's missing me. And he thought this baby would complete him, but so far as I can see, it has just thrown him even more my way. And who thinks about this sh*t? He's incredibly selfish. Try to take me away from everything else, just to keep me for himself. Like I told Jim, I don't know that he really wants me, he just can't stand the thought of someone else having me. That's why he is the way he is with me. And I see this, and I know it, and I still let him do it. Who's the loser in all of this? I knew I was a little harder to let go of than he let on, but I didn't know he would take it quite to this extent. But, get this, it's given me a great idea for a book about something besides just me and him. What if this really happened? Some selfish guy managed to get his hands on a miniturized ex-girlfriend that they just couldn't let go of? Just think of all of it. I would disappear, and it would have all of you guys trying to find out what happened to me, and I can see a scene in my head where you go to him, and you're distraught, and you're just like, "do you know what happened to Raivn?" and he's like, "She's in my pocket." and you just knock the sh*t out of him. What do you think? I'd buy it.
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      ah, I liked the concept of the poem, but on my opinion I think you over used "and" . And in the first stanze, I dont think you should have used the word "size" twice. I really liked the fairy tale part, it seemed cute. : It was pretty good, the ands just kind of threw me off.
    inkpen
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
      hi havent seen you writing in awhile
    this seemed
    personal to me so i will just say you have a great way with words

    did you read any of the rampage chapters i had 1 thru 20 but erased

    hope all is good
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


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