Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unrequitted Apathy From A Musedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cigarz
    ASL Info:    35/M/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 258/183/50
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 208
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1149



    Description:
       It was a quickie, just to play with couplets. No meter, no direct form other than the couplet requirement. Hopefully these lines show up properly.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnrequitted Apathy From A Musedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You, Man, are disgusted with the definition of the word,
    exhausted beyond reason from its sly-induced weight and charm.

    She casts ashore from a wooden hull to rape and pillage-
    substantive hovels with nothing to add but an apostrophe, a check-

    a footnote on the manuscripts of testosterone-soured ink,
    brown and curled in your stomach like last weeks rejection letter.

    As a definition, she says nothing you have not heard before,
    sliding without notice to permeate your every thought and breath.

    The word is old and decrepit, crackled and dry.
    She finds your chinks and digs in with forensic fingertips,

    forceps cauterized and cleaned with sterile politeness that bring rustic clouds,
    slamming shut storm cellars hinging on proper behavior.

    Word has taken her seat next to food and to water as inevitable,
    holding court over the passive nature of all men.

    You, Man, cannot release her in your desire, nor be free of her
    as she is nothing if not wild in the sudden squall.





    Submitted on 2006-02-21 14:38:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! I'm not sure I fully get it, but I liked the wording very much. Very strong and descrpitive wording. I think you painted a very vivid picture of this female and how she acts. And your analogies were just great. Good job!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      good job. i really liked how you portrayed the woman as enthralling and sorta dangerous. i don't have much rhythm so it took me a while to find the beat but it was good in the way that it made me think.
    -Kiddow
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by the nerdbomb | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, at second read it all falls into place. "word" being the operative word.

    I rather like this, very unorthodox, with some unusual little metaphors inside the overall metaphor of the theme.

    So, is it inspiration you write of? or the mad desire when the muse howls through your mind and you need to get it down.

    Bloody good, liked it lots!

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...I haven't had to think this hard in a while, and I mean that as a compliment. However, I must say that their were a couple of things that made this hard to decipher. The openeing line being the first...I kwpt looking for extra support on what the "definition" was to. "Man' was the obvious, but somehow it didn't quite fit with the imagery of the second half which looks more like a struggle in writing.
    On a whole it was a very interesting write that leaves the reader to decide if "she " is a muse of a person and whether this is about a relationship gone bad or just a write in getting your inner muse tamed.
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.