Letting Go of the Pain by Daokao

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Submission Name: Letting Go of the Pain dots

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Author:	Daokao
Elite Ratio:	6.4 - 67/37/10
Words:	230

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	1507
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1397

Description:
Many people in this world are not living fulfilling lives due to feelings of pain that they can control.
Some pain from disease is more difficult to control but can also be minimized and overcome by a strong enough will. Take Lance Armstrong as an example.

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Letting Go of the Pain

Reflections from the mirrors of life, it seems on the surface a vision.
It appears as an incredible light, a rising star in the night, a natural premonition.

But why is it that we seem to bring into being, demons within our psyche?
Fogging our instincts and common sense producing cravings of self-induced misery.

Our mind and heart are incredible machines designed to ingest massive amounts of emotions.
Not only pain and suffering but good thing too; love, happiness and devotion.

A higher authority does not mandate this source of your cruel, cruel pain.
Cessation of mental suffering is quite simple, it’s a path only you can attain.

You see deep within your heart and mind is a place called “freedom of choice.”
To find this place of enlightenment requires a procedure of reflection and voice.

Walk to a mirror, see your reflection and ask yourself these questions.
“What did I do (or not do) to contribute to this feeling painful dejection?
“Can I let go of it, and detach myself from this morass place of mental depression?”

If you will perform this self-exorcism to drive off these demonic cravings of woe
You will then turn and walk a straight line knowing you’re strong enough to let go

Submitted on 2006-02-21 19:07:28 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Lance is the man!

I think that when Lance is climbing Le Alpe Du Hez or any of the other monsters on the tour he is already envisioning the Champes Elysse (or however those french words are spelled). And that is the philosophical truth of the matter. There is no use in reflecting on our past tragedies to make any sense of them. There is only utility in looking forward.

I'm sorry to say that stylistically i think you are too hellbent on finding words that rhyme. This one would have been just fine without it, with the long sentences. Just a thought.

Nice.
later,
kc
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
  Too many words! “...life, it seems on the surface...”? Better: “...life, on surface seeming...” Similarly, “appearing as an incredible light,” “But why do we seem...” The more “it is”, “they are” and other dispensible words and phrases you can eliminate, the less the power of your words will be diluted. Sometimes, we have to use a filler word to achieve the right meter or rhythm, or for other deliberate effects, but normally they should be eliminated. I find that what helps is to put the ideas and messages out without editing; then begin to shape them into verse, rhythm and rhyme as you like, and finally trim down and polish the text. If you try to do it all at once, the thread of your thoughts and emotions will tend to stray.
Hope this is some help. Oh, by the way: Your ideas are quite elevated. Applying them is difficult, and getting others to see what you see...well, that’s quite an art that probably takes years to master
fred
| Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
  well this poem is a bit different, i love that in the begining it seemed to just be sad and unwilling but then in the end is kinda self help stuff, that always seems to bring the thought that maybe that has deeper meaning to it like that is something that you really did and just want to share that with other people, there are a few lines in this piece that i like a lot and one would be

"Fogging our instincts and common sense producing cravings of self-induced misery."
I really like the self-induced misery part because it seems that we human beings are creatures of habbit and we get used to pain and then start to enjoy it.

"Our mind and heart are incredible machines designed to ingest massive amounts of emotions.
Not only pain and suffering but good thing too; love, happiness and devotion.

A higher authority does not mandate this source of your cruel, cruel pain.
Cessation of mental suffering is quite simple, it’s a path only you can attain."
I really liked these two stanzas together because of how thruthful they are, we all put up with some much and then we mostly recall is bad times, having hard times coming up with good memoires, that is what those to stanzas really remined me of.

~liz~
| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]

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