Memories fade by insphered soul

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Submission Name: Memories fade dots

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Author:	insphered soul
ASL Info:	17/M/Bacon Sandwich
Elite Ratio:	6.57 - 450/374/89
Words:	182

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Love
Total Views:	274
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1291

Description:
yay! my first song.........crap I know, but im trying something differen't.......I said I was workin on some new stuff right? well, here it is. please be honest, even if you could't relate or anything like that, atleast tell me what I could do to make it better........thank you....yes i got some good hints off Gary Allan's 'best I ever had", but its different! it just sounds a little like it in some parts........but I used my own words, so its not copying.........blaahh

~Zach~

Memories fade dots

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So you've gone astray,
into your place of lonliness
now I'm here to help,
Life can be adoring

Nothing is the same now
I had turned my back on you,
but it's not that bad
you're only my best friend,

You hold me back

So you destroyed my world,
now im just a fake
remembering my past love,
leaves me broken and alone

You make yourself feel better

It might take a few weeks,
to rebuild my mind
I can't do it alone,
but I turn away from you

You were always wrong

So you've gone astray,
into your place of lonliness
now I'm here to help,
Life can be adoring

Im nothing that you wanted
could it be I'm unlucky?

Like keeps gettin' better,
our bond keeps gettin' stronger
we've learned to help each other now,
I don't turn away anymore

Nothing to worry about now
we just turn away now,
walk away and don't look back,
friendships made and loves acquired

But.......memories fade

Submitted on 2006-02-21 23:16:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  HAHAHAH!!! YOU PUT AN APOSTROPHE IN "DIFFERENT"!!!!!!!!

HAHAHA!!!

okay

so anyway

i like that song (the gary allan song)

yours i like as well.

except for "Life can be adoring"

i hate that for some reason

idk why

just dont like it... it doesnt flow

+Moz+
| Posted on 2007-03-17 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  it sounds like a song but if you ever right a poem...most people like poems to ryme so try to make it do that...most of the time people like songs to aswell...so maybe you could do that?
| Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by dianne | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah I liked this. pretty good for your first song. Some parts were a little choppy, but its all good. I agree with realpoet, I don't think memories fade. I think you just think they are swept away, and they truly aren't. You try to forget, and you may somwhat, but if its a memory.. its a memory... it doesn't fade..

well good writing
Stephanie
| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  How is this for a revamp:
It might take me a few weeks
to rebuild my mind
I can't do it alone
with you walking away

You were always wrong

You destroyed my word
Now I'm a fake to you
remembering my past love
leaves me broken and alond

Does this make you feel better

Nothing is the same now
I turned my back on you
its very very sad
you were my best friend

You held me back

Seems we've gone astray
into a place of lonliness
now let's get on track
life can be adoring.

I'm nothing that you wanted
could it be I'm unlucky

Let's keep getting better
with bonds growing stronger
we've learned to help each other now
I don't turn away anymore

Life can be adoring

Nothing to worry about now
if we just turn away
walk away and don't look back,
friendship is made and love is acquired

But...memories don't fade.
| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  Uhh ... i dont really understand this peice. But i like the way it flows together perfectly with out using any couplets.

Erica
| Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by DrkRomeo_sGirl | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this a lot. If this is a song, I'd like to hear it (I think it'll be better for me, cause I'm not that great at making my own tune to things.) I think I'll also put this in my favorites.
Feedback?
I like that you didn't put the chorus at the end again (But...memories fade) <<good ending. (I can imagine the guitar and all there =P) "Like keeps gettin' better, our bond keeps gettin' stronger we've learned to help each other now, I don't turn away anymore" That part, I don't think fits in that well in the poem; overall, That' basically all I can say/think of.
| Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Ebony Medvick | [ Reply to This ]

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