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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fireworks & Good Rundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FrankBlissett
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 206/191/66
    Words: 359
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 217
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2532



    Description:
       Here are two poems - "Fireworks" and "Good Run". The primary thing I am looking for is which of the two leaves the biggest impression on you (in a good way). Any further critique on either poem is welcome and encouraged.


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    dotsFireworks & Good Rundots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fireworks

    FLASH! Breathless seconds then BOOM!
    And streams of light split the night.
    A tapestry woven on a cosmic loom,
    As if the threads of life could ignite.

    But the blast quickly becomes cinders,
    Embers that hang as my world spins.
    Life blurs and the world turns asunder,
    But they simply lean with the wind.

    As my world slows and turns to black,
    Embers fall and fade, turning to ash.
    And as they do FLASH! and CRACK!,
    And the sky is again a riotous splash.



    Good Run

    "Good run." As a nag called For Sale,
    Her name proudly painted on her side,
    Comes to a halt just before the gate.

    On the other side we wait,
    With cinched saddle and stirrups,
    And silver polished bright.

    The gate eases open
    And For Sale eases into the crowd,
    Coming to the place we're going from.

    Ripples flow across haunches,
    As piles of steam mark the way
    To the tramped chalk of the start line.

    Back, side to side, snorting,
    With a gentle kick we're galloping.
    Lances of sunlight dart through chinks in the roof.

    The far gate becomes the close gate
    And we snap right,
    Wide right around the lead pole.

    Snap right through the poles,
    Snap left around the next,
    Snap of pole against our side.

    Snap on our right and snap on our left,
    One more down and another teetering,
    We round the end with ego bruised.

    With time still running
    We stop and gather our focus,
    Inhaling the chill winter air.

    A flip of the wrist
    And we ease between the poles,
    Soft and easy.

    Ease left through the poles,
    Ease right around the next,
    Ease of life against the clock.

    To the far side we take our time,
    Finding our hearts amid the noise,
    Alone among our friends.

    One more length to go,
    It makes no difference now.
    In joy we gallop full tilt.

    Past tramped chalk
    We quickly halt,
    And from above "Good run."







    Submitted on 2006-02-22 10:16:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      that was a good peice i can really see what you are saying with the images
    with the poles and every thing are you talking about polebending on a horse?
    good job
    -crying meggie-
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by crying meggie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked fireworks, it brings back many good memories. The visual imagery is easy to see. I especially liked the lines: And steams of light split the night, A tapestry woven on a cosmic loom, As if the threads of life could ignite.
    I was confused by the poem "Good Run". In the beginning, I think it's a horse race, but at the end I get the impression of a snow skier doing the slalom. It appears to be two poems in one. Are you making a comparison? Is it supposed to rhyme? I didn't see any. In the line Lances of sunlight dart through chinks in the roof, I wonder what roof it refers to? Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't make a connection. Anyway keep writing,we all improve that way.
    Ms. Gifted
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Ms. Gifted | [ Reply to This ]



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