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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: in love...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 526
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 445



    Description:
       i wrote this for a guy... i'm not sure if the suicide part is true yet but i'm really considering it... if anyone care then try to comment some encouragement for whyt i should live.
    love
    tina


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsin love...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    why is love like this?
    or did i feel lust?
    what can i do now?
    who can i trust?
    why did i love you?
    why don't you care?
    why can't i kill,
    these memories we share?
    now suicide,
    takes over my mind.
    i'm, dying tonight.
    i'm one of a kind.
    so now good bye world,
    and good bye to you.
    i loved you so much,
    but what could i do?




    Submitted on 2006-02-22 15:07:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      your really talented. Your emotions profoundly effect your delivery, so it seems. So Im just saying that for some feedback advice, take your experiences and run with them. Its like they've molded you into who you are now. Your able to write heavy poems, dont give that up..
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I think that it's such a good poem, but it could use some other sentences (not just all questions). It would have a much more effect on the readers because (like me) they don't know you, so we can't really answer the questions you ask. Well, actually, since you ask questions (=P), I'll ask you one. Why would you put suicide in your mind? I've been there, and I know that it's just not the answer (I've also had a friend who's killed herself). As for the poem, your messege that I 'read' was that you were/are depressed and heartbroken. If you wanted some feedback, I think I've already said it (Putting more sentences rather than questions) and maybe some more meaning into it. (Or if you wanted to relate to the reader).
    Those were just suggestions, though.
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Ebony Medvick | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey! Why in the world are you letting another human being determine your self worth?? I was the most suicidal kid you would ever meet and I'll tell you why you should live...Because you are worth way more than that...start to find the things about you that you like or love and try to remember that the best revenge is success. Take a bath or go for a walk or smile at someone when you walk down the street (genuinly) it feels good to take care of yourself.
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Jill Lynne | [ Reply to This ]
      hey sounds like your DOWN today i like your advice from ephany only you can pik yourself up i think i am alot older than you but all the things you expierence now will make you a stronger individual as life goes on and you get older
    dont take this the wrong way i am only passing on my expierence you will find that person one day that will make you fly and forget about all the bad things that has happened
    i hope this helps
    i will post a thought for you called life after death
    thanx for yor comments
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved it.You truly have talent though this was short, it was short sweet and to the point. Anyway good work,keep it up.^_^
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      I've tried 2x's and it wasn't pleasant and I'm still here - the times are hard now and you are so much needing love from someone - there are times when that person has to be yourself. There is so much of life you haven't gotten to experience and so much out there. You are talented and like every living thing - you are loved and deserving of love.
    What if you did that today & tomorrow was when all your dreams were coming true? Life is worth "IT"
    (ps: I fell for a guy once a long time ago in rehab - I made such a fool & yes, he ended up telling me he was gay - you feel dorky but there's a lot worse that could happen! he he he)
    love,peace,joy&smiles to share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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