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The Story

Author: Tom110989
Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 35 /56 /21
Words: 1399
Class/Type: Random Thoughts /Depressed
Total Views: 1194
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 8726


First of all, if you don't like long story's, stop reading, because this is very long. I wrote about 6 pages in Microsoft Word. I wrote this about a year ago, I'm not sure. It's my first story I've ever written. Just be patient when you read this, I know it's long.
Anyway, I hope you like it, tell me what you think of it.

I made a few changes, but I've decided that I'm not going to seperate it into several pieces. It's one story and I've got no idea how to seperate it and keeping the feelings in it at the same time. So I guess you'll just have to be patient and read everything at once.

The Story

The Story

Once there was a boy …
Full of energy and joy
With no worry’s at all
Thinking how great life was …
And that nothing could go wrong …
He was going to secondary school next year
And he felt a little sad
Because all of his friends
Where going to different schools …
He didn’t knew
That this would only be the beginning …

So he went to secondary school
First he felt alone
Eventually he made friends
And his first problem was over
But soon after that
His father wanted to speak to him
He said he was leaving
For a reason the boy didn’t understand
So he left
And he didn’t knew when he would return
His mother was broken
But he didn’t knew what to do

A year passed
And suddenly he saw his father again
But he wasn’t happy
Because he was told the reason
Why he had left that night
His parents were going to divorce …
His dad was in love with someone else
But the boy didn’t think about it
It was still to complicated
So now and then he visited his dad
And he met the woman
For who his dad had left his mom
From the moment he saw her
He knew he didn’t like her
And he never would
She tried to be friendly
But he knew it wasn’t real
The boy kept going to his father
Still not knowing why
Or what actually happened
But he didn’t want to know
He was living in his own world
Far away from the horrible truth
But things were changing …

His brother, not much older then he was
Began arguing with his mother
This led to little fights
And soon
He left the house …
The boy was devastated
Because his brother was important to him
So, when he left the house
The boy went looking for him
He knew where his brother was going
He was going to his best friend
And from there
He probably would call his dad
And he would move to his place
And the boy was right
He looked from behind a tree
How he entered his father’s car
The boy stood there for a while
With tears in his eyes
But then he saw his father looking at him
And before he could say anything
The boy ran as fast as he could

He didn’t ran home yet
He ran to a place where
He, his brother and his sister played
When they were little
He knew that would never happen again
When the boy came home
He saw his mother had cried
He understood why
But he didn’t tell here what he had seen
He didn’t tell anyone
It was his secret
He didn’t want to talk about it
Because it was painful

His brother and mother didn’t speak
For a very long time
And it was silent in the house
The boy still saw his brother at school
But not for long
He went to another school
One that was closer for him
He sometimes saw his brother again
When he was at his dad’s place
He looked happy to be there
But the boy didn’t understand
Why did he left
Why did he leave his brother and sisters
Why did he leave his family
Why did he leave his friends
Just because he had a few fights with his mother
That would be stupid
Why couldn’t he just say he was sorry
After a while he tried to make it up
And eventually they stopped fighting
But his mother didn’t forget it
Nor did she forgive him
But they stopped fighting
At last
Because the boy didn’t like it when people were fighting
It made him wanna run away
So he didn’t speak about it
It was all so painful …

Then there was a time of peace
Everything calmed down
And the boy was starting to feel better
Everything was going to be alright
But nothing was less true …

It was the start of another school year
The boy had to show his sister around in the school
Because this was her first year
It reminded him
Of his first year with his brother …
And how he had left school
After the fist half of the year
This year would be different
The boy hoped
He felt like he has had enough problems
Because he would soon become 15
And wouldn’t have to visit his dad anymore
He would stay home
And take care of his mother
Because he understood a lot more than in the beginning
But the problems weren’t over …

As now his sister started fighting with his mom
For the first time the boy locked himself into his room
And laid on his bed
Crying …
Hoping it would soon be over …
That it would finally end …
But unlike the short fight between his brother and mother
This fight lasted longer
Almost six months
And the boy felt that he couldn’t take it anymore
But suddenly his father interfered
He went to court
He wanted his daughter to come live at his place
The boy’s mother
Tired of fighting with her daughter
Agreed and let her move out
The boy didn’t see his sister again
For a very long time
And more and more
He was lying on his bed
Crying …
Wondering why this was happening …

If it wasn’t for his best friends
He would have gone insane a long while ago
His friends was al he had now
Because the house he lives in
Was as good as completely empty
His mother was of course very sad
For losing another child
That’s how it felt
Even the youngest child
Knew something was wrong
5 years …
And she already knew …

But eventually
Things calmed down again
And once again
The boy felt like it was finally over
But again that wasn’t true
The year was almost over
And as the boy was making his way upstairs
His mother told him something
His dad was going to sell the house …
Not yet realising what this meant
The boy went upstairs
And as he thought about it
He knew what this could mean
He would have move to another house
He would have to leave his friends living here
It was even possible that he had to change school
And then the boy became very unhappy
This was the worst news he ever heard
It was bad enough he didn’t see his sister anymore
Now it could be that he never saw his friends again
And instead of learning for his exams
He worried
He maybe never see his school again …
How could his father do this to him
Just when he boy thought he understood
Something else happened
Whenever he was feeling happy again
Something happened that made him feel unhappy again
And this time
His problems led to more problems

Just when he stopped thinking about moving
It was already time to get his rapport
He knew he did a poor job
But he hoped it wasn’t too bad
But then again
When was he lucky ...
His luck had left him long time ago
And now it wasn’t different

Would it never be over
He thought
As he laid down on his bed
Not crying this time
Just looking out his window
The year was over
And if he would see his friends back
He didn’t knew
If things would be better soon
He could only hope
But he didn’t worry anymore
Worrying didn’t made things better
It could even make things worse
So he didn’t worry
He didn’t knew what was gonna happen
And that was just fine
He could only wait
To see what was coming
And until then
He would try
To enjoy every second
Of what seemed an ever lasting vacation

This is where the story ends
And it will soon be forgotten
What happened to the boy nobody knows
Maybe his bad luck has come to an end
For ever
And maybe not
Maybe his story has come to an end
And maybe it has only just begun …

Submitted on 2006-02-22 15:25:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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5: Wow!


  tom- i really don't know what to say. i can offer advice to fix a few grammatical errors if you want but if you'd rather leave it as it is thats ok too.

all i can think to say is that i truly hope things begin to get better for you, i really do. it must be hard to just live through it. you know where to find me if you want to talk. if you think you want to fix the errors, send me a PM and i'll give you the run down (its a long piece so its quite a few picky things- sorry)

anyway, i do kinda like the way this flows. a bit like random thoughts but enough like a story that it holds you attention. the emotion, well, thats all it is isnt it? you are good at incorporating feelings and reactions instead of just narrating. i'm not sure if i'd call it a poem like you did in your description but whatever.
Thanks for sharing this and remember to send me that PM if you want help, k?
| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Sasha Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
  Well done for writing it, but your description is right, it IS long, and most people won't bother to read it.

If you are going to write long poems and stories, you need to make it so interesting that the reader can't put it down.
I'm afraid that this one did't do that for me. But don't be discouraged, try a shorter piece, and keep writing

be happy

| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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