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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nameless Nothingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 352
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1461
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2405



    Description:
       Tell me what you think sorry, I know it's long...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNameless Nothingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Damned Diary

    These pointless signs
    What could they mean?
    How did my hatred
    Get so fucking obscene
    Feeding on orchids
    Drinking your poison
    Your sacrificial only son
    Died the other day
    The press had a hay-day
    Yet we didn't have a say

    False advertisments
    Sudden broken alignments
    How can you be alive
    When you're long dead inside?
    Copy of a false immitation
    Living as one nation
    Under no one special
    No one that's been there for me
    No one who exists
    As far as I can see

    Don't ask of me
    I never ask back
    Feeding the fuel
    To an unleashed fire
    Heart burning, churning
    With morbid desire

    Sometimes I feel discarded
    Everytime you throw me away
    Molding a a heart out of clay
    Freezing it to stone
    Why am I always the one
    Who walks these roads alone?
    God was this burning tree
    I am just the ashes
    Of a useless nobody

    It's like I eat my own heart out
    Drinking in all the doubt
    Worthless lulabies
    Of nowhere's past
    Secretly I wish my fading
    Emotions would last

    But they're just a glimmer
    A flickering hope
    Of the soul inside
    Unable to cope
    Can't sleep at night
    For there're knives in my back
    From every fool's fight

    Every where I turn
    Everything seems to burn
    Shadow of the valley of death
    Come save me now
    For no one else
    Seems to know how
    Temples bleeding from
    Thumbscrews drilled
    Somewhere out of nowhere
    A killer's thrilled

    I'll make everyone pay
    And you will too
    No one can stop me
    From what I'm about to do
    Pray unto your fear
    Pray someone's here
    To hold you near

    From the lonely song the raven sings
    To this entry from me
    The Nameless Nothing
    There's one last thought
    That I leave with you today
    This entire life is nothing but
    An unfullfilled wish

    Yours truly, Damned Anonymous








    Submitted on 2006-02-22 15:25:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is probably the best poem I've read in a long time. Full of a emotion, it takes you right off the bat, and there is no lack or dodging of swearing. Also depsite the name, there is little emptiness to this poem.
    I'm not sure why, but this made me smile.
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]
      This was amazing. I get the feeling that in the first stanza you are talking about god and towards the end you are either talking about like a school shooting type situation or or a suicide situation. I love reading your poems cause they are so dark but oh so true. Keep writing and I'l keep reading

    =Logan=
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a very deep write im very impressed it was very emotional without dragging the usual hate and death things into it and with only a small mention of green day so overall I loved it Im not quite sure I understood it but I will certainly come back and read it when I dont feel like this
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by Animus Custodis | [ Reply to This ]
      this was intrested...it seemed rageful but seemed a little more of a rant and think it might have served a slightly better purpose. it was intresting to say the least...insightful but nothing I"ve never felt before...sorry am going on and on and singing at the same time and now I gotta go so peace.
    -silent
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting read. I could feel what you were trying to express. But...I don't think you should have gone with a rhyming pattern. Some of the verses felt forced, as if trying to find a way too fit. Generally, emotion can easily process along if you just let it flow. Just a suggestion. Other then that, still a good read.
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by CynicalxDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      If you were trying to fill your readers with emotion in this poem, you did a really good job. After each verse i would like get injected with a stronger dose of anger than the one before it. Each verse like made me more and more anger. if that was your goal, you did one hell of a job. I really cant explain it, but i like the kind of anger in this one, it isn't like "suicide-anger" u know wat i mean, its like "I'm-gonna-[censored]-kill-everybody-anger" I like that anger a lot better. lol, i dont even know if u understood wat i said. The best lines were these ones"

    "I'll make everyone pay
    And you will too
    No one can stop me
    From what I'm about to do
    Pray unto your fear
    Pray someone's here
    To hold you near"

    This right here is the king of angry lines, lol. this is, i think the highlight of your poem, i [censored] love these lines. You show extreme anger here, but not to the point where its just too much and just turns off the reader. The rhyming flowed good, i think and the wording made it seem less like its some suicidal teen who just hates everybody, good write.
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree that there was a superb use of emotion i actually felt mad and disgusted while reading this poem. or maybe thats because im listening to Suicide Commando? whatever. Your poem was a pretty dark but youve writtern darker i like that you explain in your own sort of way how you feel betrayed by society and life altogether i noticed this because im currently writing a poem of the same thing. but you beat me to it. I am definetly thankful you did because i could have never written anythin as good as this. If i would have written my poem it wouldve probably left a bad taste in the readers mouth. but you left a sense of anger in my heart. thats why this is an awesome poem. definetly one of my favorites and going on my list.

    P.S. sorry for the long comment

    A fellow poet
    Harmaggedon
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Harmageddon | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a good write... excellent use of emotion. I do, however have a few critiques. I agree with the above statement about adding stanzas, and also, i disagree with your style choice. You have this listed as gothic, but it isn't. It would probably fit more into dark, or maybe angry. Gothic poetry is marked by intensive use of metaphoric imagery, and is usually vague or cryptic. Other than that, excellent write.
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that was deep (more or less). It was an interesting thing to read, I could feel the anger and all other emotions. Of course, I don't know what way you want me to critique you, so I'll [try] the overall assessment. I had already told you that it had a strong meaning to it, which is very good for a poem. However, I do think adding some extra stuff (like oxymorons, alliteration, refrain, metaphors, etc) would make it a bit better. Forgive me if I missed anything like that, though. Also, I think that making a couple stanzas in the poem instead of one long stanza would make it look..neater (some-what...or easier to read) Somewhere along those lines. Other than that, I really have nothing else to say.
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Ebony Medvick | [ Reply to This ]
      I am usually not too fond of dark writes but this one was one of the best in the category that I have read. I liked your interesting and unique word choice and placing. I agree with silent death to a certain extent about this write perhaps not having the structure of a poem. But on the whole, a very unique and well expressed write by you
    Thanks for sharing
    Abbas**
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      "
    These pointless signs
    What could they mean?
    How did my hatred
    Get so [censored] obscene
    Feeding on orchids
    Drinking your poison
    Your sacrificial only son
    Died the other day
    The press had a hay-day
    Yet we didn't have a say
    "

    good good good
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by supergirl_in_oh | [ Reply to This ]


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