Innocent till angels cry
They watch me till the day I die
When I do wrong I see them sigh
They float with wings to pass me by.
I lay asleep on my bed
A glowing halo on my head
No hate there but love instead
With slandered terms of hate unsaid.
Evil follows happily
And so the angels never sleep
To rest the night I do not cease
I float with dreams in land of peace.
| really good. i love ur creativity. the demons and the angels. it was great. I LOVE IT|
keep it up
p.s. sorry if my... comment is bad... im sorta new... ehehe
|| Posted on 2006-12-08 00:00:00 | by deathbroken | [ Reply to This ] || nice poem , i get an image of angels fighting your demons, and the angel cries because u let the demons win , and i disagree with every one i get ya i think , the first line"Innocent till angels cry" and then the last"turn away the angels tears" tells me your fighting your demons and u dont want the demons to win but sometimes they do hence the walking on pits of burning sears and the pain steering you through your fears. Neways thats what i take from it, Nice poem keep on writing and the way your mind thinks continues to amazing me...||| Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by Kasper187 | [ Reply to This ] || a real nice poem, lots of good lines too,|
"Innocent till angels cry
They watch me till the day I die" thats a great opening, it sticks out from the rest of the poem,
well for me any way, nice work.
|| Posted on 2006-11-17 00:00:00 | by bogeyman | [ Reply to This ] || It's been a long time since I've read a good quality poem, two to three weeks to be approximate. I didn't understand the ending until I read it again, it sounded a little forced but not bad. The 2nd and 3rd are my faves, I like it. In the first stanza it sounds a little forced in the 3rd line, maybe it should be cry? But still that's the major flaw, wow, only two lines, yeah that's one big flaw right (sarcasm).|
I like it...again, but still needs work, good enough to get on my faves though
Your buddy the Poet of Arson (and why are my sisters crying *runs over*)
|| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ] || That was pretty. Very smooth except for last stanza. I mean, it works, but its a bit differant from the rest, eh? Great flow, it wasnt jumpy, it just kept moving along beautifully.||| Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by losing_focus | [ Reply to This ] || Good job Sharon, I liked it. And I feel that it goes with all you have been going through at the moment. The last stanza is a little different, but what the heck, life has unexpected turns!|
|| Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ] || This was a nice little piece. i think you could have made it better without the rhyming as it's a little distracting but it's still a pretty good piece. Good job really.|
|| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ] || interesting..i liked it..i'd have to agree with Psycotic Cowboy, the last stanza seemed a bit out of place.. you went talking about being happy with no hate said to fears and spears, it sorta turned into something else..the flow was nice though, good wording..the rhyming was great , its hard to rhyme but you carried that part nicely..i enjoyed it Keep up the Good work! |
|| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ] || pretty good... but i didnt like the last stanza... it kinda seemed out of place. i mean you went from talking about angels to walking on pits of burning sears. whats up with that. other than that, i had no problems with it. actually, except for that last stanza, everything was smooth.||| Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by psycotic cowboy | [ Reply to This ] || Till they float with wings, to pass me by|
With slandered terms of hate unsaid
those lines really stood out to me. this whole thing was very cool and it's going on my fave list. it's amazing. i never thought of how very unhuman angels were until now. i know that we supposedly look like them but i never thought of them crying since that is generally a human way to express emotion.
|| Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ] |