Description: Renders Pandora is quoted because they're characters in something I wrote. Render and Pandora. They're pretty cool, really.. But the poem, surreptitiously means like, stealthily done, or masked well. Virtuosi just means excedingly smart and artsy. Umm... Prosaic? That means like, a-matter-of-fact. Pretty much, Render is the negligent, crazy artist, and Pandora is quite... not-so-reckless, and even so far as prim.
The Connoisseur and the Artist -------------------------------------------
There is an phenomonal maintenance
For her jaded sensibility
Such occult Virtuosi excellence
Must rely on pneumatic kisses
Prosaic negligence shines in his eyes
With a naked and spectral geometric nature
While funeral lilies ignite ivy vines
And crawl over washed away sandcastles
Surreptitiously pendulums of vast magnitude
Swing against the wind towards one another
Thereís an empty canvas, white and crude
For the artistís heart to explore
The wilted dancing connoisseur is waiting for
When the pipers pause in their piping
To grace his ears with ancient lore
Watching tirelessly as the artist "Renders Pandora"
i like this. your vocabulary is amazing, and your wording is beautiful. i really felt drawn into this dream world. i loved the way you used so many abstract ideas and images. im a sucker for the abstract. the only real problem i see is that maybe surreptitiously should be surreptitious. it shouldn't be an adjective, since you are modifying a noun, not a verb (although for some strange reason, i can't remember the name of a noun modifier. it will come later, when it doesnt matter.) overall, great write. good thinking and wonderful ideas.
yes, very imaginative. I felt as though I were there with these two. the big words bother me though--well, not all of them but surreptitiously does for some reason. not sure why. also with the sentence you have using virtuosi, I think it should be virtuosic--an adjective. I could be wrong, but I think it even sounds better.
this definitely has lovely images and much creativity to it. nice work. I look forward to reading more as well.
I enjoyed this poem very much, particularly because it took me to somewhere I'd never been. It told me a story of two people I felt I knew, and that was a neat experience. Kudos, keep it up! @>->- Jenn