Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Panicdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kersofmia
    ASL Info:    19/m/Mia
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 111/84/44
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 267
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 745



    Description:
       ...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPanicdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My throat tightens,
    A slight twitch forms,
    Until full spasms start,
    My muffled voice tries to blare out,
    But only tears riot out of my eyes,
    And blind I become in helplessness,

    Crippled on the floor I ponder,
    Instead of my mind racing it is at ease,
    As if for once I have control,
    In this state of mind I realize,
    Why this has occurred to me,
    The frantic way of life beat me,

    I was hit over the head, but not by stone or pipe,
    By the pressure of not being enough,
    The stress that weighed on me,
    The hopeless dreams and goals,
    The never reaching my true potential,
    I am crippled in life by my own panic…




    Submitted on 2006-02-22 19:18:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      But only tears riot out of my eyes,
    And blind I become in helplessness,

    first let me say that i looooove the whole tears are riots thing in this, and someone pointed that it would be better as From My Eyes instead of how you have it now....i think either way works fine...

    however, something that i have noticed about you, is that you looooove reversing your sentences lol...which here and there works ok, but you have to be very careful which sentence you choose to do this with....Blind I Become In Helplessness, in my opinion, isn't one of those sentences...but hey, my opinion could be completely different from everyone else on this planet..bah

    this one really hits me to be honest...i'm always panicing about things that either have not happened yet, or things long gone that can't be changed...i'm my own worst enemy like that sometimes...actually, i have my own self inflicted panic button behind my right ear...so whenever i start to feel a little too content or happy, i can press my own button....customized misery...and i even tricked it out with diamond trim and everything to look prettyful. maybe i'll start a show called Pimp My Panic...lol
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      I would change one thing: S1: “...riot from my eyes”. I would also change the last line of S2 to “...frantic–way–of–life”. The last line needs some tweaking too, but nothing comes to mind. I think you’ve expressed an all too common feeling shared by your generation. We used to shake our heads at Japanese high school students, pushed sometimes to suicide by their prep for their college exams. Yet, we have become evermore like them. Similarly, the 70-hr. weeks of their executives used to be something we pointed to smugly as a sign of American superiority. Today, the average Joe and Jane are working more hours for less money. It’s amazing what 20 yrs. of change can do.
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      In a way I can't explain, this poem has really connected to me. I always hated the feeling of knowing you didn't make it, or didn't do your best...and then your left with the weight of knowing you could have done, and been, better than you are now...

    This poem has definitely connected to me, and in a sense it helps to know your not the only one feeling that way

    great write
    -mystmaker
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by MystMaker | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.