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Rewards of Elocution

Author: Rastine Aristat
ASL Info:    19/Male/California
Elite Ratio:    8 - 125 /62 /31
Words: 346
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1109
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2272


I don't know that this one can exactly be called a poem. It was actually a homework assaignment that I had to do a little while ago. I had to use the words Pedestrian, Attrition, Ablution, Carrion, Elocution, Writhe, Ambivalance, Edification, Pinion, Kismet in a story.
It had to be a complete story, with a distinguishable beginning middle and end. I didn't want to write a standard short story, so this was the result. It feels like something's missing to me, but I can't exactly figure out what.
Anyhow, keeping the requirements of the assaignment I had to follow in mind, give me an honest oppinion, and let me know if you see some way to improve it. Please, thank you and salaam.

Rewards of Elocution

Part I
The old man takes his place amongst the throng.
One reporter shouts, “We’re in he wrong!”
Among the mumbled, agreeing cries,
“This is the true path!” The opposition replies,

The elder man holds his hand to the sky,
And with a answers with a smile so sly,
“My friends grant me your consent,
And I’ll lay to rest our kismet.”

“This day I shall set aside our ambivalence,
Though ‘tis just the beginning of your laments.
Blood’s the only proper ablution
When our foes seek absolution!”

“What of edification of our youth?”
Demanded one who sought the truth.
The old man, who would pay any price,
Said only “That must be our sacrifice.”

Another inquired of those to be lost,
“Yes, but how many lives will this cost?”
To the ground her son had been pinioned
For twas the mighty nation to whom he was minion.

“We must never fear a war of attrition,
Victorious they shall return from God’s mission.”
At this several did writhe,
Whose loved ones had not survived.

Part II
In the years that would follow,
The logic of war was found hollow
Some of the men came home, from the field
With no real abilities, and no weapons to wield.

A ceremony was held for those who had given their all,
Thousands gathered, in memory of those who did fall.
Rage built when upon tragedy the masses did dwell
They promised the old man a special place in Hell.

Into his home they tromped,
Upon his guards they stomped.
A new born morning, right around four.
The old man’s son; from bed the mob tore.

All demons are banished with holy water and rock,
Though in a pinch suffice to find a headman’s block.
The old man who once bore such elocution,
Is none to lively after his son’s execution.

When finally the wars were done,
No man remained to clear the carrion
Those who remained in thought were pedestrian,
Not one thing remained undone.

Submitted on 2006-02-22 23:23:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I think this is about the crusades. If not I have no clue what you are talking about. You have a very strong vocabulary and show that in this. I think the flow is a little off and you could improve it some. The way you seperated what was happening into two parts was good. It shows what happened before and after the war and how the villagers that were forced to lose family could turn on their leader and take what he has taken from them. I like the lines
"All demons are banished with holy water and rock,
Though in a pinch suffice to find a headman’s block. "
This is morbid but honest. It is true to catholic nature.
| Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]

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