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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: every hotel room is the samedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Misc/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1298



    Description:
       Experimenting with Description for AP English


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsevery hotel room is the samedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Every hotel room is the same.
    Two double beds against the wall of the room,
    characterized by over-patterned, itchy comforters
    that hide thin, chilly sheets.
    Sheets that break the promise of a warm night&#8217;s slumber.
    The pillows, hiding beneath those sheets, are flat
    and leave a dull ache in a waking person&#8217;s neck.
    A television is positioned directly across from these two beds,
    demanding attention.
    Cheap, second rate paintings litter the off-white walls.
    The expected presence of the bedside drawer&#8217;s top shelf&#8217;s Bible
    serves as a dusty reassurance to even the non-Christian believer.
    Lingering through the room is a dim light,
    the product of overworked bulbs overshadowed by tacky lampshades.
    The radiator&#8217;s hum echos an accompaniment to this display.
    A smoky taste in the air proves the many souls who have inhabited this temporary living space.
    But,
    there is a sense of comfort in the morning sunrise beaming through the plastic blinds on the window.
    Lures the visitor to it&#8217;s side,
    and outside the familiarity of each hotel room replica is the existence of each new world waiting beyond these walls.




    Submitted on 2006-02-22 23:40:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like how you make the reader invision the space you write about. To read and not imagine the hotel room is extrodinarily difficult. You put time into your description and the clarity rings through. I like the sudden change from the negative to positivity at the end, it leaves the reader in wonder about the writer and where he/she comes from.

    The few critiques I had have already been discussed.
    | Posted on 2008-03-10 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      realising you wrote this ages ago and prolly have no intentions of revising but i just have to say the constant use of 'it' gets a little much after a while

    though i have to say you have really nailed the whole hotel vibe. i just spent the last month travelling round my country with a friend. now me... im all for hostels/backpackers and from previous jaunts i know for a fact that most backpackers in my country are decent and comfortable not the gross holes they are in some countries. however my friend, from australia, refused to believe me and so we stayed in hotels the whole way round and with exception of paint colours they were all pretty generic. there was this one place where the bed was so impossibly hard i slept on the floor for two nights lol and another place i threw one of the pillows clear across the room


    i adore the way they think the art brings value to the room lol. im sure they add an extra $10 to the room price coz it has art
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      correct my friend. every hotel is the same. i like this because when i was little whenever something bad happened we would go to a hotel (dont ask why..it just made me feel better) so this poem made me happy.. which is weird..
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      Very descriptive."The expected presence of the bedside drawer’s top shelf’s Bible
    serves as a dusty reassurance to even the non-Christian believer", and its funny how so many people fornicate and commit adultery and everything else at hotels huh!I like this one a lot~1 love
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by InnerEnergy | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice, I like how you end the poem towards newness and change after building up with mediocrity and banal reality of the room.
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by CynicalxDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      I'll try something new with crit and start with the "bad" at first.

    Line 13, "lingering" sounds kinda awkward... maybe it's just me.

    Line 16/17. line 16 seems a bit akward as well with the wording "proves the many lives who have inhabited..."

    the two lines together need one change, and that is the use of "lives" followed by "living"

    Other than that, I greatly enjoyed this, very descriptive, very knowledgable of the layout of a hotel (on average) i know you've spent many a night in a hotel, so I'm not surprised by the uncanny description.

    I like the somewhat meaningful tie-in towards the end, the bit about the world outside, very quaint and warm.

    It really rounds the piece out and brings it together, makes it breathe.

    Good job, keep this stuff up, and keep improving.

    Love,

    Keegan.
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      I'll never look at a hotel the same way again. This poem really caught my attention. Your choice of words are very picturesque and descriptive. It feels as though I'm actually there. In other words, it's so real! Wonderful piece!
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Mr. Amateur | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I've been that very hotel room. I agree very descriptive and gave you a sense that you were really there. I am dying for the sequel, something that happens in that room.

    Crackwalker
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Crackwalker | [ Reply to This ]


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