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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nothingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: giventofly
    ASL Info:    19/M/Seattle, Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 74/75/27
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 319



    Description:
       I think this piece pretty much speaks for himself. This represents a time in my life in which I really knew nothing about myself, not even how I felt or why I felt it. It's a dark, bone-chilling way to live.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNothingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    He waits to hear the voice from inside
    Nothing.

    He stares deep into the mirror's eyes
    Nothing.

    The pen in his hand has bled to death.
    His soul has breathed it's destiny breath.

    There is where the void resides...
    Nothing,
    Nothing.




    Submitted on 2006-02-23 08:27:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah you're right that period of life where you know nothing about life... When you get overpowered by bemusement... yeah it's disgusting and terrifying at times but one gets over it and has to move forwards... I remember when I was your age and... dunno... it makes me feel sick every time I muse upon the subject... was such an awful time... but here I am you know ... dunno really what else to say ...

    As for the poem... I think itís certainly not your best one ... it didnít move me and it's also leaves something to be desired. Nothingness, doesn't say much... we know the feeling but it's just what it is... I consider, this poem has a lot of potential but you should concentrate a little more on descriptiveness so as to make it more personal and therefore have a stronger impact on the reader.


    Good luck,

    Ethan.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      I almost didn't read it because I thought the title was in place of a better one that you couldn't think of. I am very, very glad I didn't listen to myself. The title is perfect. So is this piece. It describes exactly what you were feeling...nothing. Looking for a reason, looking for yourself, but left emptyhanded. I love the part:

    The pen in his hand has bled to death.
    His soul has breathed it's destiny breath.

    I agree with Adam that perhaps he felt he had done whatever it was he was here to do, and didn't know what came next. The line before it is an awesome metaphor for (forgive me if I am wrong) saying he could write no more. Maybe writing was his purpose, but now his proverbial pen has run dry, a metaphorical "death" to the life he was living. Or maybe he was writing about his "nothingness" (with pieces like this) and could find no more words. Whatever the case, you expressed it beautifully. This piece is short, but it says all you need to say. Poems don't always need to be long. Great job.

    -Cari
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
      "His soul has breathed it's destiny breath."

    i think that is a brilliant line and my favourite in the poem. to me it means his destiny, the reason he is alive, has passed. it didn't pass in glory but in a breath, something so ordenairy and probably barely noticed. hence the nothingness of the present.

    the ending was the weakest part in my view, not because of the words but because of the way it was structured. i'd suggest changing it to

    There is where the void resides.
    Nothing.

    the repition seemed a bit redundent to me and the "..." (forgotten what it's called) take away from the impact of the line. but it's your poem so it's completely up to you.

    Adam.
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      When I read it, I hear the questioned answered in a hollow echo - much like Poe's "Nevermore".

    I liked S3 - good rhythms.

    The line "There is where the void resides..." seems a bit off though - specificly "there". The iternal rhyme is good, but it just seems a bit forced to me.

    -Frank
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]


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