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    dots Submission Name: What Is Happening To Medots

    Author: Lavender
    ASL Info:    20/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 101/125/59
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 954
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 599


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat Is Happening To Medots

    What is happening to me
    How could this happen
    How can this be
    I'm ripped, torn,
    Bent out of shape
    I don't look the same
    I don't feel the same
    I am not the same
    What has happened to me
    Why can't I act normally
    I'm not in love,
    I'm just depressed
    Depression is leading my fate
    No one can hear my gentle cries
    at night nor in the morn
    Neither dawn nor dusk
    Oh, why am I so torn
    How can this be
    How could this happen
    What is happening to me

    Submitted on 2006-02-23 09:23:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      truthfully I read this more as a song than a poetry writing, but thats because it has A lot of repetition in it ;
    "what is happening to me"
    "what could it be"
    this is sort of the total focus of the piece,

    overall, and truthfully, it is simplistic, and I know most of the time I am advocating simplism
    but in this case *especially* when you have repetition in a poem, you should have varied word structures and words for that matter
    Use word thesaurus or and online one

    Keep Writing, and come check out my page
    I just got back into it

    Thanks, Bill-
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]

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