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    dots Submission Name: "You came into My life"dots

    Author: DrkRomeo_sGirl
    ASL Info:    16/f/somewhere in my mind
    Elite Ratio:    2.97 - 77/75/26
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1022
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 943

       Dj JOlly this is for you. I love you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"You came into My life"dots

    Before I met you, my life was a mess.
    I was scrared, alone, and full of depress.

    I gave my heart and soul to a guy before,
    When he broke it , I felt I could love no more.

    When this happened, I did'nt want to live another day.
    But then I found you and knew you'd kiss the pain away.

    As I noticed your love and care you were giving,
    I realized you were the reason i was living.

    You stole my heart, without a trace.
    With your words, your touch, and that baby face.

    As U felt those feelings,
    I said its to good to be true,
    But as time passed by,
    I knew I was in LOVE with you.

    You came into my life, sent down from heaven.
    Now I think of you 24/7.

    If I were to loose you,
    I would not know what to do.
    Because you have no clue,
    How much I LOVE YOU.

    Submitted on 2006-02-23 17:16:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      aww....this one gave me people bumps....
    ..........im mean.....er.......goose bumps.......
    or what ever the devil you humans are saying nowadays.
    (nervous laugh)


    DJ you lucky devil you.

    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by XmaryjaneX | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an awesome piece and I loved it! But maybe you should put bigger words into it or more emotional, less commonly used, words into it. It may make it a bit more interesting and more flowing.
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by hurley09 | [ Reply to This ]
      I get your feelings from this piece, and i believe that they are genuine and from the heart which in my book is a good start, but i have to be honest that it seems to be full of clichés to me. In saying that though i believe you can do much better, and i must say that i would take the time to read your work in the near future.
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]
      hey Erica, i could really feel the love in this. and I'm happy that you and DJ are in love, its something special and hard to achieve.

    in stanza 4:

    If I were to loose you,
    I would not know what to do.
    Because you have no clue,
    How much I LOVE YOU.

    maybe if you were to change the 3rd line to:

    Baby you have no clue,
    How much I LOVE YOU.

    it might flow a little bit better. and in the first line of this stanza, change 'loose' to 'lose'.

    i like the rhyming, it just fit perfectly together.

    I really liked this piece.

    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]

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