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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lonely Romanticdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyFairCalamity
    ASL Info:    17**I'm a lady**philly
    Elite Ratio:    7.1 - 115/67/16
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 670
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 798



    Description:
       i had alot of trouble with the last part, in case it seems a little off.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLonely Romanticdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She sits with her back to the wall,
    Silently watching the soft snow fall,
    and wonders.

    She lies with her face to the ceiling,
    Waiting for her stomach to stop reeling,
    and ponders.

    She sleeps with her back to the door,
    Hoping that some day she’ll find more,
    and dreams.

    She wakes and faces the window,
    Listening to the harsh winter wind blow,
    and knows.

    Wonders about what had happened,
    Ponders different courses of action,
    Dreams that there is a different way to say,
    But knows everyone is better off this way.

    Returns the bottle to its place,
    Lies flat down on her face,
    Sleeps her life away,
    Dies alone on Valentine’s Day.




    Submitted on 2006-02-23 19:44:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It doesn't seem off at all. Like Samm said, it works perfectly with the beginning.

    Didn't you ever wonder why Valentines Day just so happens to be in the winter?
    It's because love is an icy cold feeling that traps you in the big igloo in your heart.
    That's why.
    lol Sorry for that image.

    But anyways, when you said "bottle," did you mean pill bottle, or bottle of alcohol? Or both? Or something completely different that I would never even think of? lol I just don't know. But whichever... I like it.

    I couldn't help but notice that everything you write just keeps getting better. Plus, I'm especially attracted to this one because of the dark gloomy cloud around it. (You know how I do )

    I see why she could want to "sleep her life away" though. I mean, lonliness mixed with sadness can drive people to make some pretty bad choices.
    Death is not the answer! (Hah I sound like a bad motivational speaker)
    But yeah lol You know what I mean. It's late, and I'm getting kind of loopy.

    Anyways, back to actually commenting (I got distracted again)...
    Minus the dying part, I know exactly how that feels, and you described it perfectly.
    So if you ever find yourself alone, staring at the snow or the ceiling,... I'll trudge to your house and we'll build a snowman out of your brother. It'll be the ultimate bonding experience.
    lol God, I'm weird.

    As always deary, Very wonderfully done

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Kate,

    NO. NO nO. The last part is the best part. I thought the beginning was ok and it set the poem up for the end and it all worked out very well.

    Dreams that there is a different way to say,
    But knows everyone is better off this way.

    i realli liked that part because its like mentally tragic and i realli liked the part..

    Returns the bottle to its place,
    Lies flat down on her face,
    Sleeps her life away,

    it makes me think of either getting drunk and passing out or overdosing on pills or maybe a combination of both. Lovely.
    Keep up the good work but dont follow the example of the ppl in ur writings.

    love always,
    samm
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice stuff, Kate, I don't mind your rhyme scheme, and I never mind an experiment like changing at the end,,,who cares? It's YOUR poem, and I always reckon rules are made to be broken.

    I liked the melancholy feel of the piece...drifting doe=wn to the inevitable ending.

    Nice - sad, but nice.

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm...

    Well, I guess that you could say that the ending was a little bit off with rhyming, but, honestly, I don't think that it matters at all. The ending was still great.

    Again, this piece of yours makes me relive, think back, to memories and experiences in my life. This actually makes me think about one of my old friends who tried to overdose. Thankfully, she lived. ...but wasn't the same.

    Even though this is quite a sad piece, I still enjoyed it. You maintained a steady flow which kept my attention.

    Another thing about this piece is that it makes me try to paint a picture of the girl's past. What did she go through? Who did she love... and lose?
    Trying to figure her out makes the piece that much more appealing...to me. lol.

    This was good!
    Thanks.

    Take care.

    Crystal
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by purely_complex | [ Reply to This ]


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