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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: crying dyingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unnatainable
    ASL Info:    20/F/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 48/42/23
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 729
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 420



    Description:
       anything.. i was just mucking around really


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscrying dyingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    C ant you see my single tear
    R unning down my skin i fear
    Y our ignorance will never know
    I do this because i feel so low
    N ever do i see why im falling
    G oing to ground and noones calling

    D eath has come for me now love
    Y ou will lose me to the above
    I never ment for this to happen
    N ot to follow this sad little pattern
    G ot no place to be




    Submitted on 2006-02-23 20:39:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      interesting. I acutally think it was cool as far as the over all poem spelling out Crying, Dying. but the flow wasn't as good as it could've been and it felt like you forced the words. you went off rhyme a little but other than that's it's great. I think i liked the overall orginallity of the poem.

    ~~Danni~~
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      hi there...like the idea of the form a lot...rather intelligent i must say...however the thoughts arent that profound...u cud work on the structure and try a slightly different rhyme scheme...
    cheers
    mihir
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by mihir | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, this is a cool structure. Original :) However, as previous mentioned above "N ever do i see why im falling" this has some rhythm issues. If you count the number of syllables used in each sentance it might help. Good luck!
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Twila | [ Reply to This ]
      Well structured but off rhythm a bit, a bit depressing but feels genuine...good stuff, but remember to smile once in a while too :)
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by goveiac | [ Reply to This ]


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