[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: crying dyingdots

    Author: unnatainable
    ASL Info:    20/F/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 48/42/23
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 729
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 420

       anything.. i was just mucking around really

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscrying dyingdots

    C ant you see my single tear
    R unning down my skin i fear
    Y our ignorance will never know
    I do this because i feel so low
    N ever do i see why im falling
    G oing to ground and noones calling

    D eath has come for me now love
    Y ou will lose me to the above
    I never ment for this to happen
    N ot to follow this sad little pattern
    G ot no place to be

    Submitted on 2006-02-23 20:39:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      interesting. I acutally think it was cool as far as the over all poem spelling out Crying, Dying. but the flow wasn't as good as it could've been and it felt like you forced the words. you went off rhyme a little but other than that's it's great. I think i liked the overall orginallity of the poem.

    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      hi there...like the idea of the form a lot...rather intelligent i must say...however the thoughts arent that profound...u cud work on the structure and try a slightly different rhyme scheme...
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by mihir | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, this is a cool structure. Original :) However, as previous mentioned above "N ever do i see why im falling" this has some rhythm issues. If you count the number of syllables used in each sentance it might help. Good luck!
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Twila | [ Reply to This ]
      Well structured but off rhythm a bit, a bit depressing but feels genuine...good stuff, but remember to smile once in a while too :)
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by goveiac | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]