Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Casualtydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: angelfyre
    ASL Info:    17/yes please/here
    Elite Ratio:    4.07 - 254/238/76
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 792
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1103



    Description:
       there's really nothing that i can say.....nope.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCasualtydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Empty breaths fill each pore of my undeserving body.
    A smashed hourglass tries to reassemble itself with the counselor.
    It seems like everyone's got their problems.
    Don't base my plight on the defeated smile I carry.
    My emotions are deeper then you think
    So intense that I don't think I'll ever catch up with them.
    Cracking decisions apologise to the consistancy of my heart.
    Wine made from sour grapes pours from my ears to poison you.
    I try to resolve what I think is broken
    Try to rationalize with fatuous accords.
    Oil in a river of inane adoption
    He sets afloat the crying wolf
    Thinking that the wolf's level of prestige
    would keep it above the surface.
    An unwise judgment.
    The strong authority of the waves crashes down.
    Washing ashore the collateral.
    No more howls can be heard.
    There lies the abandoned morals.
    Defective standards and damaged ethics are all thats left.
    Are all that can be seen, heard, felt
    Known.




    Submitted on 2006-02-23 21:12:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey Krystal,

    I disagree with Graeme and Ron I think this is very intelligently written, I think all the themes demonstrate how the person is feeling, there is clearly alot going on in their life and I thought it was detailed beautifully. I liked the ideas you presented, favourites were the idea of waves washing away the collateral. Loved it, I'm adding it to may fav's. I'm Jess by the way :) ~Sunset
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by sunset | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting write
    Im sorry but I have to agree with Graeme
    This write had what seemed to be way to many themes for one write
    I understand the main theme is writing about the ills in ones life and how they dealt with them
    But maybe and only if you so desire break up this write into a couple of writes
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you're trying too hard, this has enough n it for at least three pieces.
    Another thing, resize your picture first. It spoils a good poem by taking too long to load, and didtorting the page.

    I understand what you're saying in your poem, but I think you're going too fast with it, slow down, and write about one thing at a time.

    Don't stop writing though, there's too many good things in this one

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    92640

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry