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A Son Unseen


Author: Rastine Aristat
ASL Info:    19/Male/California
Elite Ratio:    8 - 125 /62 /31
Words: 270
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1037
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1865



Description:


Kind of the musings of me on an odd day. Let me know what you think.


A Son Unseen



In his father’s army,
A young man enlists.
But father doesn’t see
That his son and his soldier
Are one and the same.

Now this bright young man
Trains his father’s armies for war
Though there are no enemies.
All that existed
Was father, brother and self
But he lead on in hopes that father
Would one day take notice
Of his prodigious son

But he was overlooked
Never catching father‘s eye.
His birthright stripped,
Presented to another.
To the weaker sons,
The lesser sons.

So the prodigy led his trueborn brothers
To raise their complaint to their father.
The old man dismissed them
Said that they were not worthy.
They were but pawns.
To be used at the master’s consent.

“Now my brothers”
Cried the warrior.
“Our father has cast us aside,
Make him see us now.
We’ll teach him a lesson he’ll not forget.

So their leader, the eldest,
The Morning Star rose up,
Lucifer called God down to fight.
“No more Father,
Will your gaze pass me by.”

The chaos that ensued,
Was unparalleled.
And for the first time,
An army was used,
Not to fend of invaders
Or keep the peace.
God’s army shattered
And pitted father and son.

When the blood had been spilt,
The battle been won.
His father met his eyes
With pride shame and love.
He cast his son from grace
To wage war on his brothers.

But for that singular moment,
His father and god
Had to take notice.
And never would he be unseen.
By his father’s wandering eye.




Submitted on 2006-02-24 00:30:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Wow. This intrigued me. I brought this image to mind of a proud man not seeing what another was capable of. I like the fact that you used things that, in accordance to the religion of christianity, true. I like the wording. The flow was not what I am used to, but it worked for this. I really like the last stanza, but I think there is something better you could use for the phrase wandering eye. It reminds me of a crazy bum type person. I would try perhaps "disregarding" instead of wandering. It sounds more to what you are trying to say instead of him not being able to control one of his eyes. hope to read more from you,
Bri
| Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]
  wow! friggin wow! as I started reading this I thought to myself "this sounds like it could be about fallen angels", a story I find very interesting and have tried to put into words myself (check out my poem "fallen instrument" if you get the chance). the "whys" and "hows" of the whole thing just completely intrigue me, it's all just so strange to try to comprehend with a human mind. I think the story line would make an excellent movie if someone took the time and effort to really do it right.
I love the point you make here that even though he was cast down, in a way he got exactly what he wanted. very interesting, I must say I've never quite thought of it in that particular way. also completely dug the line "though there are no enemies", really makes you wonder doesn't it?
well, anyway, very deep subject, quite well done. nice to know that others think along the same lines as myself once in awhile.
thanks for posting this piece, looking forward to pondering more of your work in the near future.

Milo
| Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
  This reminds me of drunvalo's Ancient secrets of the flower of life book. Drunvalo talks about how Lucifer was created better and more beautiful than any other angel. Most people being have members of the same spieces that are better than them at something. It is only natural to aspire for more. So Lucifer aspired to be God's equal and was punished for it because God felt threatened. I particularly liked the lines "his birth right stripped
presented to another" thanks I enjoyed this
| Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
  This basically tells the gist of all 66 books of the bible. This was very well written. I love the way you portrayed each person as a member of a army and family. I like how you applied Jesus parable of the prodigical son and placed the title on Satan. Nice way to incorporate the scriptures without preaching and keeping a steady flow. I loved it all! Great work!

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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