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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: windowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tinasha
    ASL Info:    20/Female/Oklahoma City
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 100/142/41
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 894
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 448



    Description:
       ummmm....just the mood i was in, the mood i seem to always be in.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswindowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    a window
    that glows
    the lights of yesterday’s dreams,
    and tomorrow’s rejections.
    regrets feed the petals of
    the window pane flowers
    down to the root
    of habitual mistakes.
    i open the window
    to take a breath of life-polluted air,
                        and leap to my shadow




    Submitted on 2006-02-24 00:38:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      it gives me the feel of one of those moments where the world feels slightly unreal as you and time slip between "yesterday's dreams" and "tomorrow's rejections." a little light epiphany.

    i think way you've indented the last line is really effective, it makes the readers eye leap with you.

    a few nitpicks.

    I would alter the line break here and get rid of the comma in the first sentence. getting rid of the "and" and adding the "with" maybe work, maybe don't, but i thought i'd mention the idea anyway.

    "a window
    that glows
    with the light
    of yesterday’s dreams
    and tomorrow’s rejections."

    in the next sentencei'd more the "of" to the next line because "petals" is a far stronger word to end a line with.

    "regrets feed the petals
    of the window pane flowers"

    but they're just suggestions so feel free to discard them.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say that your inspirational moods inspire works of art. This is truly a masterpiece. Short and to the point. What more is there to say. Why should you explain what we all know. It is a beautiful poem. I am left quite speechless. I hope you don't find me overdramatic but this poem is great. There are no need for further words. *claps* Bravo!
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there, wish I had such inspirational moods! The short lines complimented the kinda "depressed" scenery.
    I loved the irony behind "regrets feed the petals of the window pane flowers down to the root of habitual mistakes", because flowers should actually be seen as a kind off "life form" and here it's compared more to the "down side" of life.
    Enjoyed this, well done

    Love
    Lee
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Lee | [ Reply to This ]


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