a window
that glows
the lights of yesterday’s dreams,
and tomorrow’s rejections.
regrets feed the petals of
the window pane flowers
down to the root
of habitual mistakes.
i open the window
to take a breath of life-polluted air,
and leap to my shadow
it gives me the feel of one of those moments where the world feels slightly unreal as you and time slip between "yesterday's dreams" and "tomorrow's rejections." a little light epiphany.
i think way you've indented the last line is really effective, it makes the readers eye leap with you.
a few nitpicks.
I would alter the line break here and get rid of the comma in the first sentence. getting rid of the "and" and adding the "with" maybe work, maybe don't, but i thought i'd mention the idea anyway.
"a window that glows with the light of yesterday’s dreams and tomorrow’s rejections."
in the next sentencei'd more the "of" to the next line because "petals" is a far stronger word to end a line with.
"regrets feed the petals of the window pane flowers"
but they're just suggestions so feel free to discard them.
I must say that your inspirational moods inspire works of art. This is truly a masterpiece. Short and to the point. What more is there to say. Why should you explain what we all know. It is a beautiful poem. I am left quite speechless. I hope you don't find me overdramatic but this poem is great. There are no need for further words. *claps* Bravo!
Hey there, wish I had such inspirational moods! The short lines complimented the kinda "depressed" scenery. I loved the irony behind "regrets feed the petals of the window pane flowers down to the root of habitual mistakes", because flowers should actually be seen as a kind off "life form" and here it's compared more to the "down side" of life. Enjoyed this, well done
Submission Name: window
