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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Salvationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: chrls
    ASL Info:    43/m/louisiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 43/56/16
    Words: 15
    Class/Type: Haiku/Misc
    Total Views: 904
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 88



    Description:
       A little haiku I wrote this morning while watching the news.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSalvationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A world plagued by fear.
    On the brink of destruction;
    Who can save us all?




    Submitted on 2006-02-24 07:50:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Has a touch of haiku/senryu blend. Deals with both nature and human elements. Very nicely written. Strong connection with a solid form.
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Mr. Amateur | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate to this to much to have a negative critique...it was something that concerned you and that you felt was important so you wrote it down and I praise you for that, I personally don't like haikus but this was a great poem for the facts that I've already said. Best wishes and some randomly thrown in comforting thoughts,
    Jaz
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Haikus are often not the most creative, so I kind of understand where caroon dude is comming from, but it DOES NOT sound like a commercial! However, a little more punctuation would help it to sound a bit better, maybe something to this effect?:
    A world plagued by fear.
    On the brink of destruction;
    Who can save us all?
    The message was displayed in a very good way, short and sweet with not alot of time for anyone to argue-I like the way you put it. The title also lets the reader know what he/she is getting into (if for some reson someone is against that sort of stuff, they he/she has a bit of heads up).
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      sounds entirely to cliché almost like the guy with the [censored]ed up voice that talks during movie previews thats exactly what it sounds like it just needs to end with "coming this march"
    so come on man try to be a little more creative
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by cartoon autopsy | [ Reply to This ]
      I never thought that so much could be put into so little and make sense. Yet you've done this here. So much meaning, so much emotion in just a few lines. This grasped me. And at least for me, the answer to that is the Lord. He's my Savior and Salvation. It's just a shame that the world hasn't found him for themselves.


    Blessed by his grace,

    Sorrel
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]


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