Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dreams Revisiteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Daokao
    Elite Ratio:    6.4 - 67/37/10
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1291



    Description:
       I have not idea where this piece originated. I just started writing without any real ideas what to write about and this is the result. I guess dreams are a lot like that, we never really have control of them. They just happen.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDreams Revisiteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    As the nights darkness races towards the western shore
    My natural senses are awakened to familiar perceptions of yore
    And as I try to replay the last images from just moments before
    They vanish like ghosts through the keyhole of my bedroom door

    Sitting up and trying to shake the fogginess from my aching head
    Stepping back into consciousness replicating the past hours laying in bed
    I recall a panoramic movie of a prescient voyage within the seas of slumber past
    I had again relived all except for the last - lost adrift on my untethered raft

    Reoccurring dreams in foreign places with strange unrecognized faces
    Can interrupt your circadian rhythm - your internal clock can start and stop
    Where you would normally slumber peacefully within the contentment of sleep
    Your dream world finds and captures your thoughts a prisoner ever deep

    I know that dreams are pure imagination, energized electrons looking for a home
    Since there only fabrications of a mind left unattended to roam on itís own
    But I must admit that the challenge to finish what I have subconsciously begun
    Forces me to continue to revisit this dream of all dreams left undone




    Submitted on 2006-02-24 12:41:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm...the piece is good, but it needs to be broken up a little more. The flow lacks because you tried to fit too much in at once. It's important to rememeber that when your rhyming, you have to place things so as to keep the readers intrest. Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, and try something different with this idea. The concept is good, so just work on the way you portray it. Nice use of imagery though, and overall it's good. It just isn't what I think you're capable of.
    ~Clover
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this a lot.
    I am not a big fan of rhyming, but this was wonderfully done.
    It was smooth, a slow pace with great discriptions bringing the feelings alive.

    I think that the first stanza was my favorite.
    It was just a great way to put it.
    This was overall simple, yet still held a depth that kept you thinking, wondering.

    Your use of rich words & bright imaginary really made this piece.
    I think those are the best, when you just sit down & write all those things floating around your head.
    Great job
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece was so eye-catching to me. I didn't comment on it the day I saved it as a favorite because I was at work and had to catch up on some files. The imagery in each line just illuminated my mind. I am going to study more of your work and continue to let you inspire me. I write great poetry but I am not even half way there yet!
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    92699

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry