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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: betrayeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WhErEaMi
    ASL Info:    16/f/nc
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 35/38/24
    Words: 27
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 840
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 145



    Description:
       my friend new i like this guy alot and she promised she woudl never get w/ him we was goijgn to huck us up and the next thing i know she is going out w/ him


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbetrayeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    you promised
    you swear
    you said you wuoldnt betray me in the bakc
    you thoughtr i wouldnt find out
    you were wrong




    Submitted on 2006-02-24 15:21:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this was really good..the emotion seeped through the words perfectly..but hun spellcheck your using internet language don't abbreviate this is a poem..anyhows i thought it was great! i love you!..keep up the great work!
    -Lucy-
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      Spelling completely takes away from it's meaning. It still has it's meaning though, and it is intense, even if it is so short.
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Vile Deception | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice, succint and a complete snippet of time. You've really done the shortness of the piece a service by using such a curt language.

    Yes, there are some errors here, and seeing as it's short, I'll do you a favor:

    you promised
    you swore (tense issue as well)
    you said you wouldn't betray me in the back (?)
    you thought i wouldnt find out (lower case I rocks, keep it)

    Thanks for sharing!

    Todd
    you were wrong
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good write.like badgirl said though it had a few spelling errors in it.just a peice of advise though...if yer friend betrayed you once whats going to stop her from doing it again?my friend did something like this to me but it was much worse.sorry for going on like that.but good write keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by LostInYerTears | [ Reply to This ]
      great emotion here you have penned..just some
    missed spelling but overall bravo dear poet friend..i can see your intensity and the powerful feelings.thanks..Cheers:)
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by badgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoever it is sounds like a chump. You make it easy to side with you. The simple, "to the point" delivery does wonders. Spell check. That's all.
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by Mr_Eff | [ Reply to This ]


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