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    dots Submission Name: Fading into Samenessdots

    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 180/107/54
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 582

       Uniqueness is precious. It shines. But sometimes it's lost; and you can't get it back.

    I hope you like it. I've had writers block for a long time...I'm not sure about this one. Please tell me what you think.

    P.S. The word "Sameness" comes from "The Giver". Its a great book.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFading into Samenessdots

    A slow angelic light ray
    That faltered too fast
    An insignificant presence
    That I couldn't make last
    The hands of ghosts from Sameness;
    The pulled you right in
    And though my tears held acid
    I watched your light dim
    I carved your name on paper
    Trying to create a fantasy
    But your scars had disappeared
    And found their way to me
    Your light eventually faded
    I could no longer spot your face
    The walls grabbed and held you captive
    As my memories took your place

    Submitted on 2006-02-24 17:24:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm lost.
    | Posted on 2007-10-27 00:00:00 | by Vampiric Death | [ Reply to This ]
      A good poem starts with a good idea, it's really the most important thing. You have a great idea here with the theme of this.

    You undo all the good work with so many typos, it's really off-puting to the reader and makes them lose the thread of the story that you're trying to weave.

    Take longer over your work, and if you have a problem with spelling, send it in a pm to someone for checking first. It makes a lot of difference.

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      spell check, i've no room to speak, but use it. also i understand the writers block i just started after a while myself. i might change a few words here and there but ultimately it';s very well done, good job
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the intensity of the words used here. I love the imagery as well as the flow. I was impressed with the walls holding the girl captive line. Sounds like she is gone and all your days are a repeat of the last. Very good title and great poem. I really enjoyed this.

    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was very good indeed. The structure, flow and rhyme is first rate and I enjoyed reading this - well done again !

    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...i love how every other line rimes and now like the normal way of doing it...it was really cool...alothe i dont think paper and disapear ryme really well but still i got alot of emotion from this

    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to say that this poem has some really good points and that it deff gets across. I think this has to be one of my favs you did very good !
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by lost.within.you | [ Reply to This ]
      I completly get your point from this piece and that is very good, but i somehow feel you could do much better, and i have to say that i believe that you have the greatness inside of you to do so.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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