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    dots Submission Name: She Called You Daddydots

    Author: Vile Deception
    ASL Info:    20/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    2.42 - 23/29/26
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 530
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1089

       Another sad tale of what alcohol can cause.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe Called You Daddydots

    The alcohol you consumed
    ruined the world around you.
    Ruined your thoughts and emotions,
    and hurt the people near you.
    On a cold and rainy nigt,
    that demon alcohol consumed you.
    You did not even see her
    as she ran right in front of you.
    She was only eight,
    with golden hair
    and crystal-blue eyes.
    You hit her and
    that night she died.
    You could have sobered up,
    but you did not.
    Instead you turned bitter,
    worse than before,
    alcohol--with a shot of hate.
    So that rainy night,
    while you were driving in your car,
    you hit that little girl.
    The next day,
    it finally occured to you,
    when you recieved the call,
    your little daughter had been killed,
    by her father's car.
    The little girl who called you daddy,
    was the one you hit.
    And you are still not sober,
    what more can you miss?
    She called you daddy,
    but she cannot anymore.
    She called you daddy

    Submitted on 2006-02-24 17:30:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      excellent piece, perhaps a little more subtly, although the directness really made me think. keep writing, would be a waste of pure talent if you didn't
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by forever_yours | [ Reply to This ]
      good piece very poignant and hard hitting, maybe use more metaphores instead of just telling the story? this will make he reader think more
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Lewiskane | [ Reply to This ]
      If it's true, it's pretty effing sad. That's good. Creating a feeling in someone is tops. If it's fictional, it's really good. Sometimes subtlety can hide in plain sight.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Mr_Eff | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good, but it is very obvious to the reader, it sort of spoon feeds them, but i encourage you to write always, because i really do think you have something to offer as a writer. I just have to say that sometimes being more subtle can be powerful in a poem.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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