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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Rose {New Version}dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LostInYerTears
    ASL Info:    14/F/Fl
    Elite Ratio:    2.42 - 85/86/32
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 792
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 697



    Description:
       i re wrote the other "this rose"and i dont know if its any better but yeah......


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Rose {New Version}dots
    -------------------------------------------


    roses bleed just like my heart
    dripping down to fill the hole
    my rose then begins to fall apart

    my heart bleeds
    for love love of a guy
    my rose bleeds
    for the darkened sky

    this heart of mine
    bleeds within
    this rose of mine
    pierces my skin

    blood drips from my skin
    my rose bleeds
    my heart has turned to a deadly sin

    my pain is like my rose
    always there to bleed
    always there to fulfill
    the blood i need

    my heart and bleeding rose
    are best of friends
    there to bleed together
    till the end






    Submitted on 2006-02-24 21:18:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      OH MY GOSH! That is very amazing! I am at a loss for words. Very...well...I love it! I like your poetry. And I hope that you enjoy mine as well. have a good day.

    Love always,
    sadspanky
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by sadspanky | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked it. However, there was too much "bleed"; Too monotonous, repetative. Makes it "eh". But, it is still a good write. Keep it up.
    -Jess-
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Vile Deception | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice work! Loved the rose image and how it 'bleeds'. Roses are such nice flowers to write about and I think I wrote a piece on a rose garden and how the flowers within harbour so much pain that makes them beautiful and transcendent.

    vincent
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by vinny2256 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked the image this creates. I liked the similes and metaphors you used. I didnt read ur other ones, but this one was good. You used good imagery. One thing I didnt really like was the repition of my heart/ my rose bleeds. I felt it was a little too much. But overall it was pretty good.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


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