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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Am Africa& He Never Felt Herdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FrankBlissett
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 206/191/66
    Words: 269
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1381
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1817



    Description:
       Here are two poems - "I Am Africa" and "He Never Felt Her". The primary thing I am looking for is which of the two leaves the biggest impression on you (in a good way). Any further critique on either poem is welcome and encouraged.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Am Africa& He Never Felt Herdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I Am Africa

    I am Africa.
    I am also of Britian, of Japan, and even the vast Golden Horde
    Sweeping over the Russian steppes.

    Now, I've never been to Africa --
    Nor have any of my ancestors for eons.

    Still, I am a British waltz played on an African banjo.

    I am Hank and Dizzie - Ella and Patsy.
    I'm even Deford Bailey, first star of the Grand Old Opry --
    Before ole man Jim Crow told him he was no longer needed.

    I am a Miles Davis melody with a Lenon backbeat,
    With a Townsend power chord thrown in for good measure.

    You see, all the history of mankind is,
    Is a giant swapmeet followed by a potluck,
    And it's been that way long as there's been people to say "Hello stranger".

    So, if you claim not to be of Africa AND Japan AND South Dakota, all I have to say is:
    "Welcome to Earth.
    It can be overwhelming at first,
    But is really quite beautiful."



    He Never Felt Her

    He didn't feel her crawl into bed.
    If he had he would have turned,
    Warming her with his smile, but
    He never felt her.

    He didn't feel her brush his face.
    If he had they would have embraced,
    And drift to sleep together, but
    He never felt her.

    He didn't feel the bed tremble with her tears.
    If he had he would have whispered,
    Love falling from his lips, but
    He never felt.







    Submitted on 2006-02-25 00:07:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I recognise that you want people to choose favourites but I would prefer to to see your poems posted seperately. While 'He Never Felt Her' is a good poem I don't think it is anywhere near as strong as 'I Am Africa.'

    I know you have posted 'I Am Africa' before and it made a big impression on me then. Indeed, I think it is your best poem and it reminds me of Langston Hughes. Partially, perhaps because of the musical references. I love the way you unite the world in this and the asides are great 'Now, I've never been to Africa -' It would be difficult to find a favourite line as they are all great and they seem faultless. I just checked my fav list and I am suprised I have not fav'd this already. so here is a fav for you.
    take care
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      The others have said what i'm thinking so there is no reason for me to repeat what they've said. However i will answer your question. I feel that "he never felt her' leaved more of an impression innitialy, because i kinda have experienced it but the first poem "i am Africa" makes me think and maybe in the long run 'i am Africa' will have more of an effect. A lot of poems are similar to the second one but the first one, well there aren't that many and i think the poem is excellent. Bravo! Boy, i still can't decide which effects me more.
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by The Uncanny | [ Reply to This ]
      The way these poems were written lets them move at a great pace. Like:

    "Still, I am a British waltz played on an African banjo."

    Very deep. It gets a thought across and doesn't take away from the form.

    A unique style. One that I could get used to.
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Knightfall | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the theme of "he never felt her" because i am sucker for love and the poem reminds me abit of pablo neruda, however i like the pace and the tone of the first poem. it was a fun read definitely. but like i said the second poem was the one that really striked me. it intriqued me- i really wanted to get to know the situation was was really curious as the events that lead up to the poem. it was saddening yet there was a hint of passion and romance. i love that.
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]
      i like your grasp of your roots in "I Am Africa" and i love the way you put this poem together. you seem to really know your background and the people and places you came from even if you havent been to those specific places yourself. ...its kinda cool

    but i would have to say i particularly liked your second poem, "He Never Felt Her," better. there is just something about it that reached out and grabbed me. it sort of gives me the sense of longing. sort of needing the embrace of someone and not getting it. you think it is for one reason which might happen to make you sad...hence the " bed tremble with her tears"...but in actuality it might be something different. i dont know...maybe im off but thats what i got from this. but i liked it a lot

    and they were both very good poems. and i enjoyed them thoroughly...thanks for sharing!
    :-)
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, "He Never Felt Her" is ... wow. Short, simple yet deep, etc. etc. I really like it.

    As for "I Am Africa"... I like what you're trying to go for, but I don't think it's quite there yet. The lack of parallelism in the first two lines caught me, as did the You See, ... I find that stanza to be too explicit. In the last stanza, I think italics (or bold) would work better than capitlization, but again, I feel you're not letting the message have any subtleties.
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by bitterlily | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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