Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Baggage Switchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Razorain
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 24/24/9
    Words: 331
    Class/Type: Story/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 214
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1816



    Description:
       ... Well I'm a high school student at my last year. You see I met a teacher, she's like the grandmother I described here, no offense really just that she sort of hate me but that's not what I'm anxious about, but my own standard. So, she gave me a 'U' for this writing... I am in doubt so please help out...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBaggage Switchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    After a long and tedious journey to my grandmother’s house, I laid my numb legs on the carpeted floor of the bus and raised my nearly ossified body back to life. The double doors slid open and her house came to view, quaint and dull, reflecting her true self. I would rather go for boy’s scout than to spend my summer here…

    Although that was my first time to her house, I could imagine her… Uptight and strict, an old-fashioned and obstinate old lady and I am right, a wrinkled, age-old mobile fossil stood before me, although she is short, her dominating spirit towered over me. She offered me no warmth or privacy, snatching away my rights, even unpacked my luggage herself!

    Something caught her sight; she shrieked and started ranting at me. I turned around and realized that my luggage, a tiny bag housed with all the basic amenities of a girl! My grandmother accused me of being a pervert! I felt horrible, abashed, insulted and infuriated all at once. She gave me no chance to redeem my innocence and kicked me out of her house, slamming the door, hard, behind me.

    No matter how much I tried to explain to her, the door seemed nailed shut. A tap on my shoulder interrupted my nervous thoughts of returning home, it was a girl behind me. Perhaps all the commotion caught her ear and fortunately she was staying near! She suspected not me, we are friends you see. We switched back out bags and yes money I do not lack! I waved her good bye and she blushed with a glimpse of shy.

    And so I phoned my parents of the incident and they decided for me to stay at my lovely cousin’s house, what a great shift of luck! They said they will try to explain to grandmother while I waited for the bus to my cousin’s house where we would play games the whole summer!




    Submitted on 2006-02-25 06:37:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      not bad. the story was good. It was obvious why you were kicked out by grandma. but one thing was wrong, the ending was weak. The last couple sentences weren't really creative. just an opinion
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't entirely get why your grandmother kicked you out...perhaps you could clarify that, and more about the girl you switched luggage with. It's a little confusing in the fourth and fifth paragraphs.

    ~Later Days~
    Mel
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.