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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Demonsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: necrotic
    ASL Info:    18/f/New York City, Baby!
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 198/94/33
    Words: 303
    Class/Type: Poetry/Gothic
    Total Views: 301
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1859



    Description:
       everything that came to me starting flowing out on paper, something i plan on revising and rewriting... its not the best right now.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Demonsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Clawing at me,
    I feel their nails.
    Footsteps, I listen
    leaving trails.
    My eyes, they close,
    I see them walking
    one by one
    back and forth
    leaving me to suffer
    im suffocating in their breath
    they squeeze my soul so tight
    i cannot feel anymore
    after their whispers so close to my ear
    i hear nothing anymore
    after they lay their eyes upon me,
    i am blinded forever
    i see nothing as the world is
    i hear no screams my devil makes
    they feel my skin at night and rape me
    i am laying there and hoping they forget that i am there
    i can keep running and they will always catch up with me
    stomping on the back of my heels
    watching me fall to my face
    dirt on my tongue
    my throat hurts
    i taste nothing after they kiss me
    i feel nothing after they hurt
    my lips are bleeding for something staring at me
    sharp teeth and grinding claws on his feet
    a black coat with holes
    i see his skin straight through
    and i smell something irregular
    a devil...
    my Satan,
    and yet after seeing him,
    i feel no God anymore
    no mercy shall be laid upon me and my soul
    Hell - my demons can play
    swinging off balconies and landing on my body
    it lay there limp
    and i am watching from my soul
    where i can see and hear the world above me
    they have not gotten me yet
    not until i feel there bodies pressed against me and mine against the wall
    i feel nothing after they hurt
    i hear nothing after they whisper to me
    i am nothing once they see me
    a ghost forever trapped,
    held inside a prison cell
    listening to my demons scream
    and whisper as i lay for bed.




    Submitted on 2006-02-25 13:46:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow, I really liked it. Very creepy, and extremely. descriptive. I really like ur "abstract descriptions" like " i smell something irregular " , and "they squeeze my soul so tight
    i cannot feel anymore", i dunno how to say it but descriptions like these really fill the reader with pictures better than if u used regular descriptions like "they squeezed my throat or i smelled something bad" those descriptions really do a good job of filling the reader with... umm. dread. I also like how the whole poem is kinda abstract, like "are these demons real" or just in my head, u know like that. throughout the whole poem i was wondering "is this really happening" or all the the narrator's head?" It reminded me a lot of Edgar Allan Poe, and I reading him. This poem i think really follows up on that tradition of reality vs. insanity. What i think could be improved though is that u used to many I's and Me's, stuff like that. and the the spacing felt awkward, but other than that I loved it. its definitely one of my fav.
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]



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