This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Eternal Love


Author: Kaila Turley
ASL Info:    15/F
Elite Ratio:    2.93 - 52 /43 /18
Words: 135
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1408
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 856



Description:


this is about telling someone how you feel and comparing it to everything around you .


Eternal Love



i wonder if i dreamed of you-
if you would appear?
to make my nights full of love,
and always hold me near.
i wonder if i thought of you-
if you would feel it in your soul?
like 2 spirits in the universe,
who always seem to know.
even if the stars went black,
and the sun were to shine no more,
they could find a way to eachother,
no matter how far.
saftley in eachothers arms,
to live the rest of time,
finding eternal love,
so many seek to find.
carrying for eachother,
through the worst of storms,
leaning on the arms of love,
and never needing nothing more.
this is how i feel for you,
i've known it all along,
you are my one true love,
my world...
my heart...
my soul...!




Submitted on 2006-02-25 15:37:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I thought it was very good, but the flow just seemed to stop at "no matter how far" The rhyming wasn't constant. I liked your choice of words, and I really liked the end. It just seems to wrap it up, saying all that, that one person is to you.
-
i wonder if i dreamed of you-
if you would appear?
-
Don't we all wish that would happen? Just dream of someone and then WAM they are there and it makes us so happy. Too bad we can't escape in dreams.:P Thumbs up one this one!
inkpen
| Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
  Who is this going to? ITs a great poem and you can tell you are inlove. I think you could go a little more into depth with your true inner feelings though.
| Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by frenchie_inlove | [ Reply to This ]
  This is good Kaila I really like the way u can explain the way u feel so well. Some things u might want ot add is some desciptive words so that the poem has a better flow, but this poem had really good flow. The end needs a little owkr it comes to a really sudden stop and the flow of the last three lines isn't that great but this was a really good poem all and all.

=Logan=
| Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
  The topic and your choice of words were very good. You started off by rhyming the first verse, then it seemed to dissapear. Better to either continue the rhyme, or don't rhyme at all .

Mixing the two does not work. Very well written though.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



92839