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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Over-Thinkingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bonita2689
    ASL Info:    18/f/in
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 42/58/33
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 160
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 587



    Description:
       So do you ever have one of those days were your brain's just constantly thinking and all the thoughts are whizzing by and you just can't contain them? Well that's how my whole week has been. Here's the result:


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOver-Thinkingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Too many
    unconventional scars,
    swimming near and far,
    wrapping themselves
    in a half-hearted confidence
    and blistering smoke,
    just for my amazement

    Too many
    hand-picked dreams
    left behind in dreary steam,
    sparked and starred,
    to target the lame-
    torching curiosity
    with selfish flame

    Too much
    mismatched contemplation
    coating my frost-fed imagination.
    Flickering chances
    seem to dismiss the time
    swallowing whole
    the flow of rhyme




    Submitted on 2006-02-25 16:30:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      My brain recently has been thinking to many things and its hard to contain them so i know what you mean (your description sounds like a quote from Dumbledore in Goblet of fire).

    Now to your poem: I enjoyed this quite a bit. I'm not sure about unconventional scars but yes these 'handpicked dreams' 'target the lame'. I think you captured the whole idea quite well and using images that make the reader think for a sec. was quite good (torching curiosity with slefish flame" for example).

    Improvement is probably there but i like it the way it is and if you do then its perfect (me liking it doesn't mean its perfect, just a note). I didn't get confused, nothing was unclear and i think its original. Maybe, (an after thought), change :too much" in line 15 to 'too many" because the other two stanzas start out with too many.
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by The Uncanny | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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