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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Pathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: snufthepunk28
    ASL Info:    21/f/ak
    Elite Ratio:    4.5 - 244/178/68
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 714
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 487



    Description:
       its nothing i wish to comment on.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Pathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am so scared to breath and truth. I donít know if it is hidden by a vale I have placed over my own eyes or by tears that have not been cried.
    Either way collapsing is an easy option. Walking away is even easier done in at the single moment but latter brings heavy regrets. To stay would mean to find the better path. The irony is simple. This is not the first time or the last I well face this. Growth is the only thing I hope to achieve regardless of the chapters end.




    Submitted on 2006-02-26 03:55:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This write answers the question you asked me with my write
    I find that quite Ironic
    I am petrified of losing my Youth
    I am terrified of losing all the memories that I enjoyed surronded by the Love of a beautiful family
    Yes I have had numerous instances in childhood that have altered my growth pattern but still there was more happiness there then sadness
    Sadly
    I see you have the same fear
    I pray we may both find the peaceful state we are looking for
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Felicia,

    It is hard at times when we do not know what is real and what seems to be something that will hinder us on our paths we take. You emotion is great but there are a few errors in this piece you might want to fix to give it more clarity.

    on the first line you have breath you might have wanted breathe instead. another thing I see is vale I looked it up and I donít think you wanted that with what is in the context of this write. use ďveilĒ instead of valeĒ also it would read with those corrections like this: I am so scared to breathe and truth. I donít know if it is hidden by a veil I have placed over my own eyes or by tears that have not been cried. you want to have it read like this: I am so scared to breathe, and truth? ~or~ I am so scared to breathe and face the truth.

    ok next you have:

    Either way collapsing is an easy option. Walking away is even easier done in at the single moment but latter brings heavy regrets.

    I would continue the collapsing with the walking with a semi-colon so it looks like this:

    Either way collapsing is an easy option; walking away is even easier done in at the single moment but latter brings heavy regrets.

    One thing I do sense though is the irony that walking away seems easier but it brings more regrets while collapsing, I think perhaps in the way of submission is what you are driving at.

    The rest looks good to me. I think sometimes we need to face those things that try to break us; your way seems to be submission to your higher power. this is a touching piece and I hope you have a better road to walk on. You can take these suggestions or not; it is all in your capable hands. Nicely done Felicia,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Remeber that age old phrase
    This Too Shall Pass
    That is exactly where my mind is drawn reading this
    I can see you have incredible courage to fight what seems like a lot of obstacles trying to hold you back
    Remain Positive
    That is the key
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      i get where you're coming from... so many paths in life, events happen and you don't know which road to take. And it isn't helped by theconstant voice in the back of your head reminding you that there aren't any u-turns once you start walking down the road... but luckily we can get off the path and get onto another one at any given moment.

    keep hope.

    Loren
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]


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